Author: Brendan O'Brien
Brendan O'Brien is a Chicago comedian and from St. Louis, MO. He is a graduate of the Second City Writing program and co-wrote “Comfortably Dumb,” a sketch show performed at the Second City. He is a soccer and hockey fan and a new contributor to Robot Butt.
It’s Monday. Dawn. The adults of Westbrook suburb head off to work. Their routine and routes are gears in a soulless machine. It’s been two weeks since children started disappearing. Instead of tears, smiles envelop the adults’ faces. In coffee shops, hardware stores, strip malls – no children. Only vapid adults acting unaware, gleefully humming the latest pop tunes to distract them from the horror happening under their post-pubescent noses. I wait outside McCellan’s warehouse. The parking lot is filled with yellow buses. I got this lead from one Charlie Pickens, a lousy kid I found riding his bike this…
To President Donald J. Trump,We are the members of the Presidential One-Termer Club, an important group that prides itself on celebrating the history of all U.S. one-term presidents and their achievements. We want to inform you that you can now join our exclusive club. You may have lost the election, but now you can become a member of the O.T.C. and that makes you a winner! With our help, the O.T.C. can make your last few months in the White House more of a stay at the Hilton over a stay at Mar-a-Lago.Like every one-termer before you, you may be…
To get ahead of the large amount of mail-in ballots for the 2020 election, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has directions to the ONE drop-off ballot box in your county. 1. Head down Highway I-45 until you spot the ponderosa pine tree with a blue Cadbury egg painted on the trunk. Exit right. 2. Drive until the asphalt highway turns into a dusty road. Make three lefts and a “Q” turn onto Ballot Box Lane. 3. Halfway down there is a toll booth. Must pay the $4.99 toll to move forward. Toll only accepts pennies and exact change (pennies minted in…