PORTLAND—Thousands of 20-somethings are being forced to weather a shortage of good vibes as recent high demand has stretched freight services beyond present capacity. Now, some analysts have traced the holdup to an early summer upsurge in pet eulogies being posted online.
“Summer is the busy season for positive vibes anyway because students are graduating and having to work alongside Boomers for the first time,” said an insider. “But this year with every other youngster on TikTok posting about their dead cat, well-wishers are sending more vibes than we as distributors can handle.”
Others are reluctant to accept this explanation.
“Carriers should be poised to avoid June bottlenecks in vibe distribution,” said Shiela Utz, co-chair of the Bureau for Consumer Freight. “The historical data shows that pet disposal always spikes around the equinoxes and the solstices.”
“Look online, that’s real,” she added.
As watchdog groups and shipping companies clash over root causes, downstream customers struggle to cope.
“My chinchilla passed away last week,” said Kayden Dunn, 29, a sales associate at a Linnton dispensary. “When I told my friend Lexi, she said she was sending me happy vibes. I just thought they would have gotten here by now, that’s all.”
For Dunn and for others, finding substitutes has grown more difficult each day.
“My mom sent lots of love during finals week in May, so I still have some of that left over,” the retailer explained. “I’m getting by alright.”
Said one data intern from Goose Hollow: “My manager is starting to get on me for my time blindness. I need all the support I can get.”
Regulators are now pushing for mandatory continuous improvement initiatives to prevent further disruptions in vibe delivery.
“Our parents and our parents’ parents never once had to wonder if their thoughts and prayers would arrive on time,” said Maxwell Carter, a 34-year industry veteran and Six Sigma green belt. “We need to find where the gaps are before the winter holiday when people start being depressed at Christmas.”
A contentious Utz concluded: “Cats are selling like hotcakes these days. God knows what we’ll do in the years to come.”