Humanity Proves Its Not Meant to Survive as ‘Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2’ Makes $24 Million
Apr20

Humanity Proves Its Not Meant to Survive as ‘Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2’ Makes $24 Million

“And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.” – Revelation 13:1 I often go down a very deep rabbit hole of thought when I think about my place in the universe and humanity’s overall role in the grand scheme of things. I get lost in the exploration of why any of us are here...

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Sick Child Declares That ‘Hell is for Real’
Feb05

Sick Child Declares That ‘Hell is for Real’

ASHEVILLE, N.C. – Tommy Benson has been called many things during his ten years of life. A little prick. A sneaky shit with no manners. A boy who deserves a swift kick in the ass. None of this has ever phased the young boy, though; in fact, Tommy has reveled in it, taking immense pride in being what appears to be the city’s unofficial prankster laureate. But life hasn’t all been fun and games for Tommy. He is...

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The Cereal They Serve in Hell
Jan09

The Cereal They Serve in Hell

    More jokes, at no extra...

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‘Two and a Half Men’: The Nightmare is Finally Over
May15

‘Two and a Half Men’: The Nightmare is Finally Over

There is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. For the past 11 years, the world has been subjected to the pain and torture of Two and a Half Men, a sitcom so bad that you’d be forgiven for thinking it was a parody. More mind-boggling is that it has consistently been one of the highest-rated shows on television, as the 11th season still averaged 9 million viewers. It’s enough to make you physically ill, and we still...

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Satan Fires PR Firm
Mar11

Satan Fires PR Firm

“I’m in the business of fear and suffering. I drop millions on a marketing blitz and all of a sudden, I’ve got people showing up like this is going to be the time of their lives? Just the other day I had some fat, camera-toting tourist in a Hawaiian shirt try to take a picture with me and his family. Then they thanked me for the great vacation and asked where they could get some ‘authentic’ dinner before...

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