Husband to Spend Drive Home Figuring Out Valentine’s Day Plans
Feb13

Husband to Spend Drive Home Figuring Out Valentine’s Day Plans

COLUMBUS, Ohio – A local man is taking a different approach to Valentine’s Day this year; instead of weeks or even months of planning, realtor Mike Janis is taking care of everything on his commute home. “There’s a lot you can do to create a special night for that special person in your life, just by frantically tapping away at your phone and praying that you don’t inadvertently smash into the back of someone’s car in...

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Signs Your Kids Are Too Old to Believe in Santa
Dec14

Signs Your Kids Are Too Old to Believe in Santa

1. Refuse to stop giggling anytime someone mentions Santa coming down a chimney. 2. Offered to give the mall Santa a lap dance. 3. Instead of leaving milk and cookies they want to leave Santa a vape pen and a Four Loko. 4. Mrs. Claus now equals MILF. 5. Told a young cousin that the roadkill they just passed was Rudolph. 6. Asked whether Santa’s Naughty List is backed up on on tape or hard drive. 7. They’ve tried to snort colored...

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God Announces Recall Notice for Men
Nov27

God Announces Recall Notice for Men

HEAVEN – Citing significant safety concerns, about 3.4 billion human males were recalled last week by Heaven’s Department of Product Safety. With numerous harassment incidents coming to light, God has mandated that the department begin an immediate recall before men can inflict more harm on human females and the few human males not affected by the recall. While the scale of this recall is unprecedented, according to the recall...

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Time Travel Agency Issues Travel Warning for the Year 2017
Sep13

Time Travel Agency Issues Travel Warning for the Year 2017

Due to the serious and mounting risk posed to time travelers, the Time Travel Advisory Board has now restricted travel to the year 2017. Persons who wish to travel to the year 2017 will need special permission from the TTAB from this date forward. The year presents special challenges for time travelers and with the growing number of time travelers visiting 2017 to witness some of the most bewildering moments in recorded human history...

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The North American Field Guide to Spotting the Elusive Mike Pence
Jun06

The North American Field Guide to Spotting the Elusive Mike Pence

Hello avid, politically-savvy naturalists! We’ve been receiving lots of requests for how to spot the increasingly rare Mike Pence. The “Pencer” is an erratic, barely evolved creature to be sure and if you haven’t seen it, well, you’re not alone. While there was once a time you could easily spot one, currently, you’re going to have to be a lot more persistent. To help familiarize you with this creature, please read this short...

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