How to Lose a Guy in 1-25 Texts

Woman Texting Phone

1) Text him something simple like “Hey!” Then send him a picture of a dead bird.

2) Send a follow-up text explaining that the last text was meant to be funny – just so he knows you’re not a psycho.

3) If he doesn’t text you back right away, wait a few minutes, then text him the picture of the dead bird again with a “PS – How are you?”

4) Still no response? No problem! Wait a few minutes and then go ahead and send him another text about that last text, and the text before that, and the text before that, explaining that you were joking! Make it crystal clear that you are not a psycho!

5) Still nothing? No prob! Just send a quick text to let him know that you’re good on texting for now, and you’ll talk to him later. 

6) Still no reply? No problemo! Go ahead and send him another quick text, just to check and see if he’s even getting the texts!

7) Still nothing? That’s okay! Send him a brief text just to let him know that you get it if he’s really busy, and make it clear that it’s totally cool to just talk later.

8) Still nothing? Hey! It’s okay! Go ahead and text him one more time! Let him know that even though you feel a little weird that he’s not responding, you totally get it. In fact, it’s making you respect him even more cuz it shows he’s more of a face-to-face communicator. Texting is the worst, right?

9) Still no reply? Go ahead and text him just to let him know that you really do get it that he can’t respond, so you will respect that.

10) Still nothing! No worries! Relax! In fact, it’s probably best if you go ahead and send one more text just letting him know that you are DONE!

11) Yikes! That sounded harsh! Make sure you send him a quick follow-up text, just to clarify that you don’t mean you’re done talking to him as in never again! You just mean that you are done texting!

12) Holy shit! Look at all those texts! Definitely text him one more time just to let him know that you know that you’ve sent a lot of texts and that it may make you seem crazy – but you’re not crazy!

13) Still nothing? That’s okay! In fact, it’s probably a good idea to text him again, just to let him know that you know that he might be in the middle of something or he may have lost his phone! Oh no!

14) No reply? No problem. Go ahead and send him a quick follow-up text just to let him know that if he did lose his phone, or if the battery died, it’s totally cool and you get it! Make it known that you are super laid back about the whole thing.

15) Still haven’t heard back? Text him again just to clarify that you also really aren’t a big texter, and that you are okay with texting sometimes, but you also get it when people don’t want to text or text back, etc. Tell him that you also really hate texting!

16) Oh no! What was that last text!? Text him again, and really explain what you meant in the previous text about texting. Let him know that you aren’t entirely against texting nor are you totally for texting. Make it crystal clear that you are just a super flexible, go-with-the-flow kind of person.

17) Still nothing- relax! It’s probably time to stop texting him! Go ahead and text him one more time just to let him know that you are totally done texting.

18) Hold up. Better send a quick follow-up text just to clarify again that you aren’t mad. Disappointed, maybe – but not mad. It sure is hard to read tone in texts!

19) Holy shit! That’s a lot of texts! Text him one more time and sincerely apologize for all the texts! Let him know that you get how that might make you seem crazy, but assure him that you’re not crazy!

20) Really?! Still no reply!? WTF!? You better text him one more time just to let him know you aren’t crazy, and that if he would have just responded to you in the first place you wouldn’t have had to text so much!

21) Whoa passive aggressive! You better send a quick text apologizing for the second part of that last text!

22) Okay! That’s enough texting for today! Go ahead and send one more text, just to let him know that you know that you keep saying “this is the last text,” but this time you mean it. THIS IS THE LAST TEXT.

23) You know what? What’s one more text at this point!? Let’s go ahead and wrap it up with some super chill, go-with-the-flow, no-pressure text. Let him see that you are super laid back with a simple “I’ll just see ya when I see ya.”

24) Oh fuck this whole thing! Send that dead bird photo again. Lol! Maybe he will thinks it’s funny that your final text is the same as your first text!

25) Oh fuck it! You know what? Go ahead and text him one last time. Tell him that you’re deleting his number! No point in keeping it, since your messages haven’t been going through since he blocked you after text #3.

 

 




Nicole Walkow

Author: Nicole Walkow

Nicole Walkow is a volunteer stand-up comedian in Washington DC. When she's not telling jokes or writing jokes and stories on her phone in the bathroom at her grocery store job, she enjoys reading and writing at home. She also likes snacks.

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