How You Found Robot Butt: March 2015 Edition
Mar31

How You Found Robot Butt: March 2015 Edition

As always, the keywords used to find Robot Butt are an eclectic bunch. Ranging from many people looking to sell their souls to the devil to those with depraved sexual fantasies involving Slinky Dog’s butt, we pride ourselves on having such a diverse audience of degenerates. After digging through our site analytics, here are the highlights of search terms for March: how do i sell my soul to the illuminati and become rich butt...

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Grown Man’s Day Ruined By Wrestling Storyline
Mar30

Grown Man’s Day Ruined By Wrestling Storyline

SAN FRANCISCO – Following the stunning conclusion to the main event of WrestleMania 31, which featured Seth Rollins cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase to win the World Heavyweight Championship over Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar, area man Jonathan Tramble’s Monday has been absolutely ruined. Tramble, a married 31-year-old marketing manager who owns a house, a family and so much to live for, was devastated Sunday...

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Your Weekend Jam: “Can’t Get Enough” By Bad Company
Mar28

Your Weekend Jam: “Can’t Get Enough” By Bad Company

Bad Company is such an underrated band (Maybe? To be honest, I’m really not sure if they are, I just know that I never hear anybody talking about them. Plus, everybody loves saying something is underrated to appear like a far more accomplished and intelligent entertainment connoisseur. So guess what? Bad Company’s underrated as hell.). That’s why, for this weekend, you should listen to “Can’t Get...

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Area Man Wang Dong Eager to Begin Teaching at Local Middle School
Mar27

Area Man Wang Dong Eager to Begin Teaching at Local Middle School

BOSTON – John Thomas Middle School is getting a new social studies teacher, and he just so happens to be an alumni himself. Wang Dong once roamed the halls of the school, and the 29-year-old is returning to shape the minds of today’s area youth. “When I went to school here, the classes would just drag on forever. They may have changed schedules since then, but I promise, while these lessons won’t be long,...

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I Don’t Care About ‘The Force Awakens’ Because I’m Still Bitter About Darth Maul
Mar26

I Don’t Care About ‘The Force Awakens’ Because I’m Still Bitter About Darth Maul

People love to rag on the Star Wars prequels, and for good reason. For the total running time among the three movies, about 5% of it is watchable. But there has always been one element to these movies that was even remotely comparable to the greatness of the original three films. That, of course, is Darth Maul, the greatest badass in the entire universe. That insanely terrifying Satanic face (with that look, though, did he ever even...

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