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    Robot Butt

    • Entertainment
      1. Movies & TV
      2. Music
      3. View All

      22-Year-Old Describes Kind of Weird Thing They Saw as ‘Lynchian’

      April 10, 2025

      James Bond Gets Briefed on SignalGate

      April 2, 2025

      “Too Dark and Incredibly Quiet” Becomes Highest Grossing Unintelligible Film Ever

      March 14, 2025

      Rewrite Notes from the New White House Office of Cultural Redemption

      March 7, 2025

      World’s Drummers Announce Plans to Look at Ground in Every Band Photo

      May 7, 2025

      No Post Today: Instead, Here’s A Link To McGruff The Crime Dog’s Official Album From 1982

      April 26, 2025

      Country Songwriters Decide to Continue Rhyming ‘Whiskey’ with ‘Frisky’ Until at Least 2047

      April 1, 2025

      10 ‘Mature’ Rock Songs That Needed Updated Titles

      March 8, 2025

      World’s Drummers Announce Plans to Look at Ground in Every Band Photo

      May 7, 2025

      No Post Today: Instead, Here’s A Link To McGruff The Crime Dog’s Official Album From 1982

      April 26, 2025

      TECHNOLOGY WIN! Sabrina Carpenter Added To Fortnite By Being Shrunk Down And Dropped Inside Big Computer

      April 19, 2025

      McGruff the Crime Dog Gets a MAGA Reboot

      April 13, 2025
    • Fiction
      1. Comics
      2. View All

      A Cartoon About Drinking A Lite Beer

      April 27, 2025

      A Cartoon About Pizza

      April 24, 2025

      A Cartoon About A Greek Wrap

      March 23, 2025

      We’re Giving Our Iconic Paperclip Character his Own Comic Series Because Eventually Something We Do Has to Work, Right?

      February 8, 2025

      “TRUMPLESTILSKIN” AND OTHER UPDATED BROTHERS GRIMM STORIES:

      April 7, 2025

      Look Here Pardner, According To The Most Recent Class 9 Census Report, This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us

      February 15, 2025

      What Happened to the Great American Mall

      January 27, 2025

      Ernest Hemingway Goes Sober Curious 

      August 8, 2024
    • History

      College Students Suggest Causes for Fossilized Vomit

      April 30, 2025

      Oedipus’ Lament

      April 18, 2025

      10 Relevant Events in History that were Originated by a Joke

      February 20, 2025

      Valentine’s Day Musings From a Drunken William Shakespeare 

      February 13, 2025

      Just Making Sure You Know That Michael Bay Directed the First “Got Milk” Ad

      January 5, 2025
    • Life
      1. Science
      2. Thoughts
      3. View All

      FECES BIOLOGIST FINDS OUT YOU CAN PICK LITERALLY ANY JOB ON EARTH

      April 16, 2025

      PLACEBO EFFECT? We Gave a 10-Year-Old Non-Alcoholic Beer and He Wrecked His Car

      January 23, 2025

      To Chimp or Not to Chimp? A New Proposal to Save the Shakespeare Typewriter Experiment

      November 11, 2024

      New Study Shows Thirty Percent of Bat Boys in Major League Baseball Evolve Into Vampires

      September 29, 2024

      A Love Poem to Greenland written by J.D. Vance

      May 4, 2025

      The Term ‘Gooning’ Has Ruined The Job Market For Henchmen

      April 8, 2025

      How to Show You’re Smart Without Saying a Word: What We Can Learn From Mimes 

      February 24, 2025

      All the “Life Hacks” in the World Won’t Make that Term Any Less Annoying

      February 11, 2025

      Thank You for Flying Right: We Hope Our Robot Won’t Leak on You While Serving Pretzels

      May 5, 2025

      Respectfully, I Refuse to Stop Referring to Bad Diarrhea as ‘Emptying the Clip’

      May 3, 2025

      Current Betting Odds On What Name Will Be Chosen By The Next Pope

      May 1, 2025

      Easter, 4/20, and Wrestlemania Are All Today. Here Are Some Tips For Balancing The Three Holidays

      April 20, 2025
    • Politics
    • Sports
      1. Basketball
      2. Football
      3. View All

      NBA Accidentally Drafts Grammy Winning Saxophonist Boney James

      July 28, 2024

      NBA Deems Draymond Green’s Latest Treatment a Rousing Success

      January 15, 2024

      These Ordinary People Were Victims of the Harlem Globetrotters’ Terrible Basketball Antics

      June 17, 2022

      5 Ins and Outs for Your Superbowl Party!

      February 9, 2025

      Trump & Pro-Wrestling’s Education Dept. Appointee Plan:

      February 7, 2025

      Inspired by the Superbowl Being on Tubi, We’ve Decided to Make Robot Butt the Official Home of Northwestern VS Minnesota from November 1, 1930

      February 5, 2025

      Congratulations, Class of 2024 – Now Go Out Into This World and Be Very Insecure About Your Penis

      May 18, 2024

      REPORT: Secretariat Proud Of Derby Winning Descendant And Disappointed In 13 Losing Descendants

      May 6, 2025

      All But MLB Dingbats Will Switch to Torpedo Bats: NextGen Possibilities Beyond Yankee/MIT Innovation

      April 4, 2025

      5 Ins and Outs for Your Superbowl Party!

      February 9, 2025

      Trump & Pro-Wrestling’s Education Dept. Appointee Plan:

      February 7, 2025
    • Podcasts
    • Uncanny Valley
      1. Breaking News
      2. Company Blog
      3. Staff Posts
      4. View All

      Undergraduate Philosophy Students Receive Six-Figure Grant to Develop New Logical Fallacies

      April 28, 2025

      REPORT: Adam McKay Probably Excited to Make Movie Where Famous Actress Explains Tariffs 

      April 25, 2025

      TECHNOLOGY WIN! Sabrina Carpenter Added To Fortnite By Being Shrunk Down And Dropped Inside Big Computer

      April 19, 2025

      Elon Musk Trolled During Live-Stream By Viewers Spamming “What Are You Eating Under There?”

      April 17, 2025

      Robot Butt’s New Year’s Resolutions

      January 3, 2023

      This Internship is Already Teaching Me So Much

      July 17, 2015

      Meet Robot Butt’s New Intern, Darren!

      June 17, 2015

      I Am Going to Die in the Robot Butt Office

      April 24, 2014

      No Post Today: Instead, Here’s A Link To McGruff The Crime Dog’s Official Album From 1982

      April 26, 2025

      CORRECTION: Robot Butt’s New Team Member Of The Month Is Walt…

      April 23, 2025

      In Memoriam: Our Head Of Data Operations, Ryan

      April 22, 2025

      Congrats To Robot Butt’s April Team Member Of The Month, Ryan!

      April 21, 2025

      Undergraduate Philosophy Students Receive Six-Figure Grant to Develop New Logical Fallacies

      April 28, 2025

      No Post Today: Instead, Here’s A Link To McGruff The Crime Dog’s Official Album From 1982

      April 26, 2025

      REPORT: Adam McKay Probably Excited to Make Movie Where Famous Actress Explains Tariffs 

      April 25, 2025

      CORRECTION: Robot Butt’s New Team Member Of The Month Is Walt…

      April 23, 2025
    • About Us
      1. Books & Zines
      2. Contact
      3. Submission Guidelines
      4. View All

      The Robot Butt Company Handbook: A Humor Zine Designed to Be Read at Work

      June 10, 2024

      Jason’s Dozen: A Friday the 13th Humor Collection

      October 13, 2023

      Halloween Compendium of Terror: A Spooky Humor Anthology

      October 31, 2022

      World’s Drummers Announce Plans to Look at Ground in Every Band Photo

      May 7, 2025

      REPORT: Secretariat Proud Of Derby Winning Descendant And Disappointed In 13 Losing Descendants

      May 6, 2025

      Thank You for Flying Right: We Hope Our Robot Won’t Leak on You While Serving Pretzels

      May 5, 2025

      A Love Poem to Greenland written by J.D. Vance

      May 4, 2025

      World’s Drummers Announce Plans to Look at Ground in Every Band Photo

      May 7, 2025

      REPORT: Secretariat Proud Of Derby Winning Descendant And Disappointed In 13 Losing Descendants

      May 6, 2025

      Thank You for Flying Right: We Hope Our Robot Won’t Leak on You While Serving Pretzels

      May 5, 2025

      A Love Poem to Greenland written by J.D. Vance

      May 4, 2025

      World’s Drummers Announce Plans to Look at Ground in Every Band Photo

      May 7, 2025

      REPORT: Secretariat Proud Of Derby Winning Descendant And Disappointed In 13 Losing Descendants

      May 6, 2025

      Thank You for Flying Right: We Hope Our Robot Won’t Leak on You While Serving Pretzels

      May 5, 2025

      A Love Poem to Greenland written by J.D. Vance

      May 4, 2025
    Robot Butt
    Life

    An Apology to the Guitar I Bought at the Beginning of the Pandemic That Is Now Collecting Dust Beside My Cat Tower

    By Valerie Nies and Chris BrotzmanApril 17, 2021

    I’m so sorry, Ruth Bader Guitarsberg! That’s what I named you the moment your Amazon box arrived. Like RGB, you…

    Life

    A Rich White Guy Explains the Utopian Aspects of Cryptocurrency

    By Lily Hirsch and Sybil HalloranApril 15, 2021

    The burgeoning world of blockchain technology and decentralized currencies offers me, a rich white guy, a utopian future. On the blockchain, with no…

    Science

    I’ve Traveled Through Space and Time, But I Can’t Remember If We’ve Done It, Veronica From H&R Block

    By Eric FarwellApril 13, 2021

    I, Carl Doink, have punched out five-eyed sharks on Jupiter’s icy moons. On Garalius-98, there’s a festival held in my…

    Life

    The Four White Men of the Apocalypse

    By Mickey HadickApril 11, 2021

    On a drunken dare, I ate seven Chalupa Supremes and drank seven hard seltzers. That night, as I prayed at…

    Politics

    Walmart’s Six-Point Plan to Return to Most Evil Corporation

    By Lucy TollefsonApril 8, 2021

    Thank you everyone for making it to this important in-person meeting. I assure you this could not have been an…

    Life

    Ready-Made Excuses for Your Favorite Musician’s Abuse Allegations

    By Emily KnappApril 7, 2021

    1. “His music is so good, though! I love the way he fantasizes about killing women and Satanism. It really…

    Politics

    Five Reasons Why Bouncers Should Administer the COVID Vaccine at Every Bar

    By Dean DeckerApril 6, 2021

    As of today, more than fifty million Americans have received both doses of the vaccine and are considered fully immune…

    Life

    Fuck You, Diabetes (An Un-Love Letter)

    By M.A. RatnerApril 3, 2021

    My Dearest Diabetes, It’s been ten years we’ve spent together and in that seemingly immeasurable amount of time, my feelings…

    Life

    Gifts That 100% Won’t Remind Dad That Mom Is Dead

    By Susan SassiApril 1, 2021

    Finding a gift dad will like is hard. Finding a gift he likes that doesn’t remind him that mom is…

    Life

    6 Great Ways to Turn That Bland Hinge Date Into Your Cultured, Brag-Worthy Boyfriend

    By Hannah BensonMarch 31, 2021

    So you’ve been on a few dates. So you carry the conversation most of the time. So he claims “liking…

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