Don’t do that Righty tighty, lefty loosey Swing with your hips Jiggle the handle Don’t tell anyone Better tell someone Get two just in case Look in the closet Bring something to write with Keep it charged Have an alibi Don’t park there Let it air out Go to the restroom first If it smells bad, throw it out Slow down Lift with your legs Lyft with your car Don’t use too much salt Better clean that up Use your diaphragm
Author: Maury Levine
Maury Levine
Maury is the author of the humorous mystery 'Shopping Bagged,' a contributor to the comedy websites The Broadway Beat, End of the Bench, The Spoof, Points in Case, and Little Old Lady Comedy, and had a riff used in an episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. He is also a drummer, and lives in Birmingham, Alabama with his excellent family.
It’s that wonderful time of the year when families gather during the Christmas season. Praying together and donating to the poor…boring! Grab the kids and the least annoying relatives and take them on Exciting Christmas Experiences: Six Flags Presents The Riddler’s Mindbender Missing Jesus Nativity Coaster Thriller – It’s Christmas in Gotham City and The Riddler has stolen Jesus from the nativity scene in front of City Hall! Commissioner Gordon needs your help! The classic steel coaster has been transformed for the holidays. Each of the three loops has been adorned with gold, frankincense, and myrrh for the three Wise…
After eating a doughnut, loudly announce, “These free doughnuts are almost enough to make me forget that this company doesn’t offer health benefits!” Build a tower of doughnuts and play Doughnut Jenga with coworkers. Pick up a doughnut, look confusedly at it, and in a comical French accent say, “What is this round abomination? It is not a tasty croissant!” Use copier to make “extra” doughnuts so you’ll always have doughnuts. Hide the napkins and offer to lick the glaze off of your coworkers’ fingers. Convince a gullible coworker that the doughnut is actually a sugary onion ring. Put doughnuts…