Thank you for your service. God bless you for your bravery. We all appreciate your courage. Now storm through that door and die in a hail of AK-47 rounds to the face and chest, since your cut-rate, cheapo, lowest-bidder flak vest will only stop the first bullet and not the subsequent ones. Oh yeah, by the way, forgot to mention the other high-caliber 7.62 rounds will pierce under your helmet, perforating your skull and brain as well. Make sure to hold on long enough so your battle buddy can tie a tourniquet and assure you that everything is going to…
Author: Joseph S. Pete
Joseph S. Pete
Joseph S. Pete is an award-winning journalist, an Iraq War veteran, an Indiana University graduate, a book reviewer, and a frequent guest on Lakeshore Public Radio. He was named the poet laureate of Chicago BaconFest 2016, a feat that Geoffrey Chaucer chump never accomplished. His literary work, photography and humor writing have appeared in Vanity Projection, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Neutrons/Protons, The Higgs Weldon, Defenestration Magazine, The Big Jewel, Parody Poetry Journal, New Pop Lit, The Grief Diaries, Gravel, Perch Magazine, Synesthesia Literary Journal, Chicago Literati, Dogzplot, Bull Men's Fiction, shufPoetry, The Roaring Muse, Prairie Winds, Blue Collar Review, Lumpen, Stoneboat, The Tipton Poetry Journal, Euphemism, Jenny Magazine and elsewhere. He once wrote an author bio that was pure Shakespeare but it was banned for just being too real and he had to attach this crappy one instead. Oh, that doesn't make sense? Well, you don't make sense - look, an eagle!