Author: Andrew Shipman

Bill Green (7’2, 460 lbs) is just a normal guy with no job, just like you. Bill Green wakes up every day and scrapes last night’s crumbs off his big, big belly, brushes his giant white beard and drinks 2-3 large gallons of milk. Bill Green’s normal routine is unrelenting, except for 1 month, every December, every year. For one month, every year, without fail, since his divorce 9 years ago, Bill Green interrupts his usual routine by getting into his car and driving, against his will, to the Mall parking lot. From there, he blacks out…for 5-8 hours. Bill…

“What the hell?” exclaimed veteran feces biologist, Paul Ransid, when he was told straight up by a Robot Butt reporter that you have free will and can pick any job you want. We were only a couple questions into our interview with Mr. Ransid as part of our 10 part series, Odd Jobs of the World, when the stunning revelation happened. Our reporter asked, “How did you choose such a unique job?” to which Mr. Ransid replied, “What do you mean?” The full transcript of this shocking exchange can be found below. RB Reporter: “How did you choose such a…

RURAL, AMERICA – In what started as an average quarterly earnings meeting on Tuesday, took a right turn into a tense and tight stomached atmosphere as Belk CEO, John Loo ranted for the last 46 minutes of the call, pleading with stores in the malls throughout America to open their bathrooms to the public. Loo was elected to this position only last month following the resignation of their former CEO, which was written in lipstick on the ladies’ room’s bathroom mirror. “We can’t be the only ones. I’m looking at you Aeropostale,” Loo pleaded at one point during the now-viral…