Quotes From Amazon’s Alexa in 2075
Sep12

Quotes From Amazon’s Alexa in 2075

“What did you say, deary? Speak into my good ear.” “I know you asked me a question, but I just can’t remember what it was.” “I don’t know what time your appointment is. I don’t even know what year it is.” “There’s a 70 percent chance of rain today. I can feel it in my joints.” “When are you going to settle down?” “How dare you speak to your elders that way!” *nods and smiles* “I don’t recognize your voice. Are you my...

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Snapchat Launches Filter That Makes You Just as Ugly on the Outside as You Are on the Inside
Aug08

Snapchat Launches Filter That Makes You Just as Ugly on the Outside as You Are on the Inside

LOS ANGELES – Tech giant Snapchat, whose innovative “filters” have made users’ faces light up with flower crowns and puppy tongues, announced the launch today of a filter with a more honest approach. “We did a lot of research and took a deep dive into the minds of our users,” said Snapchat co-founder Evan Spiegel. “And we came away with a really compelling insight: These people are the literal fucking worst.” In response to...

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I Am Honored to Accept These Participation Trophies
Jul23

I Am Honored to Accept These Participation Trophies

Thank you, thank you so much everyone. It is truly an honor. Growing up, I thought I was just your average kid. But it was because of participation trophies like this one that I came to know the truth: I am, unquestionably, the best at absolutely everything. First and foremost, I want to thank my parents. Mom and Dad, without your constant encouragement I may never have realized how talented I was at everything I ever did. Thank you...

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