New Colgate Ads Promise Toothpaste Will Keep Breath Fresh ‘Til the Casket Drops’
Feb12

New Colgate Ads Promise Toothpaste Will Keep Breath Fresh ‘Til the Casket Drops’

NEW YORK CITY – In a surprising move towards more “hardcore advertising,” Colgate announced Thursday that its new toothpaste campaign would keep your breath fresh “’til the casket drops.” “Gone are the days of commercials where a woman simply brushes her teeth in a bizarre, all-white void, as if in purgatory. We feel it’s necessary to reach a younger audience with our messaging,”...

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Excellent Rap Lyrics, Volume IX: John Cena Will Brush Your Teeth
Feb09

Excellent Rap Lyrics, Volume IX: John Cena Will Brush Your Teeth

No enemy is more dangerous than the one who will do something nice for you first, disarming you completely right before obliterating your entire world. And judging by his Titantron entrance song, John Cena is exactly that type of person. Look at this line from his own rap song, “The Time is Now”: “I got my soul straight, I brush your mouth like Colgate.” Now that’s just nice. It makes sense; after all, he...

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