Dear Mitch McConnell: We Can’t Exploit the Poor If You Kill Them
Jul12

Dear Mitch McConnell: We Can’t Exploit the Poor If You Kill Them

Dear Sen. McConnell, I am Wilfred Burris, CEO of PayPayPayday Loans, and I am writing because I am worried that while trying to fix Obamacare you will kill what is most dear to me: my company. You see, a side effect of your previously proposed healthcare cuts is a mass extermination of the poor, and we just can’t capitalize on the poor if they are dead. We would lose millions of revenue streams, and PayPayPayday Loans would...

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Rumors Fly After God Accidentally Leaks Preview of Next Year’s Flu
Jan27

Rumors Fly After God Accidentally Leaks Preview of Next Year’s Flu

ATLANTA –┬áRumors are circulating over the specifics of God’s newest project, the 2018 flu, after biological specimens were leaked to an anonymous doctor at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention this week. “Based on electron microscopy, the virus appears to be eight nanometers slimmer than previous generations of the flu,” said the doctor. “Which is impressive because it’s twice as powerful;...

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