Jane Goodall to Begin Phase II of Ape Army Strategy
Jul21

Jane Goodall to Begin Phase II of Ape Army Strategy

VIENNA, Va. – Following nearly six decades of research and preparation, noted primatologist Jane Goodall has declared she will finally begin the long-awaited second phase of her Ape Army strategy. The surprise announcement came via the Jane Goodall Institute’s website, which featured a statement by Ms. Goodall next to a graphic of a gorilla’s fist clutching a hunting knife. The statement read in part: “When I first began...

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Time Traveler Report 2096: Humans, Not Vengeful Apes, Responsible for Planet’s Destruction
Jun07

Time Traveler Report 2096: Humans, Not Vengeful Apes, Responsible for Planet’s Destruction

HOUSTON – Returning from his first mission to 2096, Acromion Labs’ time-traveling researcher Bucky Tropin shocked the world today when he announced at his press conference that the eventual destruction of society was not caused by an uprising of apes, despite the predictions of several films and scientific models. Much of the general public firmly believes Earth will have undergone the rise, dawn and war of the apes by...

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