Things to Do With Things You’re Not Doing Anything With
Jan10

Things to Do With Things You’re Not Doing Anything With

Air Mattress Pump: Toss into a nearby occupied room and roleplay a biological terror attack. Ashtray (But You Quit Smoking): Scooby Doo-style secret passage? Turn for adventure. Bachelor of Fine Arts: I wish I could help you with that one. Comb: Ladybug crucifixion hill. *for pre-teen psychopaths only Dreamcatcher: Mail it to the White House. They need all the help they can get. Expired Condom: Sneeze guard. 99% effective. Floss: An...

Read More
How to Be a Folksinger (If You Don’t Sing or Play Guitar)
Nov09

How to Be a Folksinger (If You Don’t Sing or Play Guitar)

Step 1: Those short-sleeved faux-flannel shirts with the poppable buttons. Acquire several. Step 2: Skim read Alan Lomax’s Wikipedia article. Step 3: Find an old-time music jam sesh at a coffee shop in a gentrified neighborhood and chainsmoke American Best outside. Step 4: Love, bed and leave at least three women who wear braided ponytails and use Mooncups. Step 5: Pretend to shop at the local farmer’s market. Maybe buy...

Read More
Welcome to Neckbeards Anonymous
Oct20

Welcome to Neckbeards Anonymous

Are you a neckbeard? Of course you’re not. But you might know one. Does he want to change his lifestyle? Of course he doesn’t. But he might know someone who does. Tell that guy that that guy you know knows about Neckbeards Anonymous, a support group for men who know they should know better. We have weekly meetings where we discuss our issues, our setbacks, and our sexually progressive success stories. Informal, nurturing, buddy buddy....

Read More