So Your Lover Believes the Earth Is Flat
May25

So Your Lover Believes the Earth Is Flat

1. Forgive him. 2. No, don’t forgive him. Science is important, and the shape of our world is not to be re-negotiated on a conspiratorial whim. 3. He’s so handsome, though. 4. And he always comes through in the clutch, like when LeBron is exhausted or in foul trouble. 5. Find a decent compromise. Perhaps the Earth could be shaped like a pickle, a refrigerator box, or a sleeping duck. 6. Your love with your lover is...

Read More
Nation That Shrugged Off Schoolroom Massacre Also Fine With Throwing Children Under Bus
Feb28

Nation That Shrugged Off Schoolroom Massacre Also Fine With Throwing Children Under Bus

Just one election cycle after a U.S.-born white man used a semi-automatic firearm to murder twenty young schoolchildren in Newport, Connecticut and half the country responded with a solid ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, a new set of policies and regulations promise to threaten the health and safety of our nation’s youth. House Republican Thomas Massie (R-KY) introduced the “Safe Students Act” to the House floor on January 3rd. If passed,...

Read More
9 New Names for Cleveland’s Baseball Team
Jan09

9 New Names for Cleveland’s Baseball Team

While I would have liked to join in on cheering for my home city’s team during the World Series, I’m unwilling to use such an offensive name. So let’s change it! Lots of people have suggested name ideas, including returning to old team names like the Lake Shores, Spiders, and Naps. Here are nine of my own suggestions: 1) Asshats: A temporary name that would function as self-flagellation for having such a racist name and logo for so...

Read More