A Post-Thanksgiving Workout to Help You Stay Guilt-Free
Nov22

A Post-Thanksgiving Workout to Help You Stay Guilt-Free

By Paul Ryan, Speaker of the House of Representatives Visiting relatives for the holidays is no excuse to miss a gym day. Luckily, P90X taught me that a body can provide its own best resistance. It’s natural to feel some guilt after Thanksgiving, whether it be from eating too many candied yams or from swallowing all your principles in order to get the tax breaks you want. I can help you take care of all that, but before you do...

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Original Name for a Kenner Star Wars Action Figure or Alt-Right Insult?
Oct23

Original Name for a Kenner Star Wars Action Figure or Alt-Right Insult?

1) Prune Face 2) Brownshirt 3) Snowflake 4) Walrus Man 5) RINO 6) Cosmopolitan 7) Amanaman 8) Squid Head 9) Cucservative 10) Dindu 11) Snaggletooth 12) Yak Face 13) Hammerhead 14) Kasich   KEY STAR WARS: 1, 4, 7, 8, 11, 12, 13 ALT-RIGHT: 2, 3, 5, 6, 9, 10, 14 (probably) More jokes, at no extra...

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8 Other Phone Calls Donald Trump Claims to Have Received
Aug04

8 Other Phone Calls Donald Trump Claims to Have Received

President Donald Trump recently claimed that he received telephone calls from the head of the Boy Scouts and the Mexican president, both praising him for a variety of things, but it was easily proven that the calls never happened. That little fib got us thinking – what other phone calls has Trump been lying about? Here are just a few of the president’s most recent phone calls he claims to have received: “The head of...

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9 Acceptable School Science Fair Projects as Approved by the Trump Administration
Feb24

9 Acceptable School Science Fair Projects as Approved by the Trump Administration

McKinley Elementary’s Spring Science Fair is just around the corner! When preparing your projects, be aware that there have been changes in the annual event due to an executive order by President Trump. This year, the public will not be allowed access to the gymnasium to view the projects until the Betsy DeVos-approved judging staff has vetted all the little scientists’ results. In order to maximize your chances of not being...

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8 Shocking Discoveries Made About ITT Tech Following Its Shutdown
Sep20

8 Shocking Discoveries Made About ITT Tech Following Its Shutdown

1. Students were asked to write their own textbooks to save the school money. 2. There is no official government record of any student ITT Tech has featured in its commercials. 3. ITT Tech lost a chuck of its $580 million in federal aid in a complicated confidence game with a guy named Gary, who claimed to be the Duke of Computers. 4. The School of Drafting and Design was led by a zealot who refused to acknowledge the existence of the...

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