Jeff Bezos: Just Because You Found a Death Ray in My Observatory Does NOT Mean I’m a Megalomaniac

Jeff Bezos

SEATTLE–(BUSINESS WIRE)–Feb. 7, 2018– Amazon.com, Inc. (NASDAQ:AMZN) would like to set a few things straight today about the recent visit by Amazon customers to the home of our founder, Mr. Jeff Bezos. The visit was not a “chance for Bezos to fix his megalomaniac image” as some reports suggested, it was one of many instances where Mr. Bezos has spent time with the most valuable people to this company – our customers.

The tour did not “backfire” and the guests were actually impressed with Mr. Bezos’ living room, especially the button which flips open the floor to reveal a map of Earth remodeled into a giant A.

The guests did not discover “a death ray that destroys mom and pop shops” in the observatory. The KS-184X is a high-frequency pulse cannon which has been deployed for a range of purposes, one of which has been to eliminate genuine threats to the security of Amazon and its subsidiaries.

Amazon would like to make absolutely clear that none of the guests were “taken care of” by Mr. Bezos’ assistants. One of them, a man in his 60s, suffered a heart attack that had nothing to do with Mr. Bezos threatening to exterminate his entire town – that didn’t happen either.

In a statement, Mr. Bezos said, “I am not a megalomaniac. A megalomaniac wants to take over the world. I’ve done that already.”

 

 




Daniel Bates

Author: Daniel Bates

Daniel is a comedy writer and performer based in Brooklyn. During the day he works as a freelance journalist.

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