Are you a woman-lady with female-style sexy parts who also definitely HATES all that loud, shameful crunching noises that go along with eating regular ole’ MAN Doritos?
Is your lady-jaw not strong enough to eat corn chips made specifically for the powerful mouths of men? Is your lack of facial hair and inability to open pickle jars ruining your ability to find the perfect junk food? Womp, womp.
Well, worry no more, Female Target Audience! Here at very smart company PepsiCo, we’re introducing Lady Doritos! These aren’t your grandfather’s corn chips! They aren’t even your husband’s corn chips! These chips are specifically designed to be edible by the mouth-bits of human female lady-women, such as yourselves! Hooray!
It’s been well-known for years now that ladybodies and womanbrains don’t understand the highly abstract concept of “eating chips.” Which is why we goodbrain smart men here at PepsiCo invented chips for lady-eating. Yummmy yum yum, women, am I right??
Finally, you’ve got the perfect snack for when you’re making your husband dinner, or crying at work, or when you’re frantically searching your handbag for a tampon!
You can even eat Lady Doritos while men in government make decisions about your healthcare!!! Yayyyy!
But wait! There’s more! Lady Doritos are delicious (and not too crunchy) when you’re shopping for shoes, when you’re thinking about shopping for shoes, when you’re making 80 percent of what your male colleagues are getting paid, and even when you’re asleep, dreaming about shopping for shoes!
Lady Doritos even make a great conversation starter if you’re having trouble finding what to talk about with your cat!
When we first had this idea, we asked a bunch of women what flavors they’d like in female-specific chips, and they were like “actually regular chips and regular flavors are fine,” and then we were like “hey shut up, you’re not making any decisions, you’re a lady, silly!”
Did we mention Lady Doritos are the perfect snack for being body shamed by the fashion industry? Plus, they’re delicious for dainty lady-eating when you’ve got that sick feeling in your stomach because your male boss left his hand on your knee for waaayyyy too long.
How about tampons? Did we talk about the tampon thing yet? When it comes to tampons, these chips are the bee’s knees! (Side note, ladybrains: bees don’t really have knees haha)
Oh, and one more thing: for a limited time only, inside each specially-marked bag of Lady Doritos is a free serving of female-specific oxygen that’s absolutely perfect for inhaling with your lady-lungs! That’s right, we’re letting you breathe as much as you’d like, female-folk! Woohooo!
Lady Doritos: Eat ’em up with your lady-mouths!
From the good smart people at PepsiCo!