End of 2017 Self Check-In Quiz


Hooray! It’s finally time to ring in the new year! As you’re planning for 2018, now’s a great time to do some self-reflection; to get where you’re going, you need to know where you’re at.

Take the quiz below to gain insight into your post-2017 emotional state, then use what you learn to set meaningful goals for the new year!

(1) On a scale of 1-10, rate your anxiety regarding the following:

Workplace interactions.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Family relationships.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Everything you love being destroyed in an imminent nuclear war caused by inept leadership and unparalleled male fragility.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10


(2) Who has your best interests at heart?

(a) Big pharma

(b) The government

(c) Your ailing, Medicare-dependent parents


(3) Complete the following sentence:  ______________ news.

(a) At this point, I can only bear to let late-night hosts tell me the…

(b) I wouldn’t say I want to be in a plane-crash-marooned-on-an-island Lost situation, but at least then I wouldn’t ever have to watch the…

(c) More booze, less…


(4) Which of the following most adequately describes your level of fatigue?

(a) Child actor circa 1970

(b) May 2017 Steve Bannon, still living in a prison of his own creation

(c) Somewhere between “coma” and “Chicago public school teacher”


(5) The United States has the highest incarceration rates in the world. What makes you feel like a prisoner?

(a) Every single moment I spend at my job

(b) Every single moment I spend at my job

(c) Every single moment I spend at my job


(6) “There are two problems for our species’ survival – nuclear war and environmental catastrophe – and we’re hurtling towards them. Knowingly.” – Noam Chomsky

On the scale below, indicate your level of agreement with the above statement:

I Agree [—————————–—-|————————-——] I Strongly Agree


(7) Approximately how many times per day do you consider starting a coup (political, workplace, etc.)?

(a) 1-4

(b) 5-8

(c) “Considering inciting a coup” is my default setting


(8) Sometimes I pour a tall glass of Cabernet and spend a couple hours playing The Sims, just to recall what it felt like to believe I had power over life’s direction. Which of the following is the best metaphor for your personal feelings of powerlessness?

(a) Britney Spears completing her 249-show Las Vegas performance contract

(b) Nicolas Cage’s agent showing up for work every day

(c) That plastic bag in American Beauty


Way to go! You’ve completed the quiz. Look back over your answers, suppress the knowledge that you have no free will, and set some goals for 2018! Who knows, maybe this year will be the best one yet!!



Megan Schwartz

Author: Megan Schwartz

Megan is an LA-based elastic enthusiast & comedy writer. Her passions include writing for pleasehiremegan.org and only half committing to eye contact.

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