An Open Letter to Cyndi Lauper From Her Parents’ Neighbor

Cyndi Lauper

Dear Cyndi,

Just who in the hell do you think you are??? Taking phone calls at odd hours of the night? Coming home after the sun comes up? Showing disdain towards your mother and father because they voiced their concerns about what’s going on in your life?

I get that “girls just want to have fun,” but your parents just want to have a little respect from their daughter. If you were living under my roof, well, you’d have been gone the first time you got caught “she bopping” when you were supposed to be doing your homework.

Night after night my wife is sitting up with your mother worrying about where you are and who you’re with. Your father works as a professional wrestler AND a sea captain so he can afford the rent on your place. Do you think they like working their fingers to the bone to be treated this way?

Your mother is up at the crack of dawn preparing a home-cooked breakfast because she knows it is the most important meal of the day, and she wants you to be successful in everything you do. Then you dare have the nerve to come traipsing home with a gaggle of misfits and strangers and proceed to trash the place? And for what reason?

Oh yeah, because you want to have fun. Well I’ll tell you missy, fun isn’t going to be paying the bills when you push your folks to the limit and they kick you to the curb.

I’ve known your mom and dad since they moved in across the hall right after you were born. My wife and I used to watch you when they worked midnights. Cyndi, you even came to work with me on Take Your Daughter to Work Day and helped me conduct the subway train. You were this little bundle of joy, and we all doted on you constantly. You were the sweetest and kindest girl.

Then you showed your true colors and became this ungrateful teenager who doesn’t care about the people who helped raise her. All she cares about is fun, at any cost.

I know I am coming off as harsh, but you gotta take it from me kid, I used to have nothing but fun too. Me and the boys used to go out and party every night, Then one night things got hectic, and we ended up getting into a knife fight with an opposing crew. If it wasn’t for some guy with an angel’s voice and a sequin glove telling us to beat it I may have ended up dead. That is the cost of fun.

I know I’m coming off as harsh, but I am just telling you that your parents are afraid too. They’re angry right now, and rightfully so, but they love you more than anything.

Sometimes when they picture you, you’re walking too far ahead. You’re living your life too fast, and they tell you to go slow because they’re worried you’ll be left behind. Then, well, then the second hand unwinds.

To them all this fun you’ve been having, it just seems like you are lost. But if you look, I mean REALLY look Cyndi, then you’ll find them. Mom and Dad. And if you fall, they will catch you. They’ll always be waiting, time after time.


Kevin Michael Rowe



Kevin Michael Rowe

Author: Kevin Michael Rowe

Kevin Michael Rowe is a writer who lives in Kingston, NY with his beautiful wife and pets. He is aware that he does not photograph well.

Share This Post On