The 31 Flavors of Mike Pence

Mike Pence Ice Cream

Warm weather is here and Mike Pence is churning up summer’s favorite political ice cream flavors! Be sure to scoop up some of the vice president’s thirty-one flavors, including:

1) Not Without My Wife Coffee Liqueur Cookies-and-Cream

2) Rust Belt Conservative Cherry Chocolate Chip

3) Sexual Reparative Therapy Rainbow Sherbet

4) Abstinence-Only Almond Crunch

5) Prayer in School Bananas & Nuts

6) Opposition to Women’s Healthcare Macadamia Nut Cream

7) Old-Fashioned Vanilla

8) Misogynistic Mint Chip

9) Repeal & Replace Blueberry Ripple

10) “Drain the Swamp” Strawberry Cheesecake

11) Religious Freedom Bill Butter Pecan

12) Social Conservative Salted Caramel

13) Climate Science Denier White Chocolate Chunk

14) NRA Grade-A Peanut Butter Fudge

15) Creationist Cake Batter with Sprinkles

16) Female Suppression Spumoni

17) “Make America Great Again” Apple Pie

18) Pro-Life Passion Fruit Punch

19) War on Women Watermelon

20) Fidelity Rum Raisin

21) Evangelical Christian Cookies & Cream

22) Mother’s Makin’ Cookie Dough

23) Build the Wall Cinnamon Churro

24) Kremlin Caramel Swirl

25) Extreme Vetting (Not a Muslim Ban) Blackberry Crumble

26) Dismantling Democracy Chocolate Chip

27) Trump’s Wingman No-Sugar Added Caramel Turtle Truffle

28) Cronyism and Corporate Welfare Coconut Crunch

29) Daydreamin’ of Im-peach-ment

30) Populist Presidential Contender Peanut Butter Cup

31) Rocky Road




Stacey Zapalac

Author: Stacey Zapalac

Stacey Zapalac (@smzapalac) is a Chicago-based humor writer who has studied improv, writing, and satire at The Second City Training Center. She enjoys consuming trans fats, watching the Chicago Cubs, and yes, Zapalac is her real last name. To see more of her work visit staceyzapalac.net.

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