This is your old pal from the New York Military Academy, Donald T. It’s been a year since our last sleepover at Trump Tower. Yes that was hella fun. But now I’m PRESIDENT. Which mean this year’s sleepover is going to be at the White House!
Melania will be away in New York with Barron for a PTA meeting or something, so NOBODY TO BUG US OR NAG US while we enjoy these awesome sleepover activities:
Oval Office Pillow Fort
The desk in the Oval Office is huge! Lots of space under it to build a pillow fort. Anytime we want we can call the White House butler and he’ll bring us as all the Cheetos we can handle.
Sexy Surveillance Videos
Some of the White House interns are pretty hot. Let’s watch the security monitors and rate them 1 to 10. Here’s hoping a lucky girl greater than 8 becomes the next Monica.
Cool World War II Stuff
The historic stuff in the White House is mostly boring, except for the guns and military junk. The best stuff is hidden in a secret drawer in Steve Bannon’s desk. Under some Leni Riefenstahl DVDs (boring), I found some wicked old SS metals and a real Luger pistol.
Ballistic Window Bash-up
Wanna feel like Superman? Let the other guys shoot their paintball guns at you while you stand behind one of the White House bulletproof windows.
Flying Human Shield
You won’t believe what happens when you try to shoot your paintball gun at ME. A Secret Service guy will leap out of nowhere and take it in the stomach. You won’t even get close!
Bring along your drones so we can fly them in White House airspace. But don’t bring your best ones. They won’t last long when the F-16s scramble and start popping off air-to-air missiles.
Prank Strike Call
It works like this: I enter the first 14 numbers of the nuclear code into the console. Then each guy gets a turn to hold his finger over the 15th number. Before you get too close, I hit cancel. I play it all the time.
Nighttime Superhero Rally
Steve Bannon has some cool superhero costumes he’ll lend us. Everybody will get a white robe and a cloth helmet with eyeholes cut out. The costumes come with a wooden cross we can light on fire! We gotta be safe with matches, so we gotta take it outside. Steve won’t be able to join us because he has a nighttime phone conference with Russia. Too bad Steve’ll miss the fun while we leap and pose like superheroes around a burning cross on the White House lawn!