WASHINGTON – In his first official address to Congress since assuming the presidency, Donald Trump called for a sizeble increase in funds for America’s ongoing race war, making good on numerous campaign promises.
“It’s a quagmire, folks,” the president said. “And you can’t stop halfway – gotta see it through. I’ve seen, believe me, you don’t know how bad it is. Chicago? You kidding me? We need the money, people. Need it. No question.”
Trump’s call for further race war funding came as no surprise to Washington insiders, as national support for an increase is at its highest level in decades. In a nationwide poll, 64 percent of Americans said they believe our race war is currently “underfunded,” with 43 percent feeling the race war is “greatly underfunded.”
“Look, if you want somthin’ done right, it’s gon’ cost,” said “Skeeter” Hedlow, one of thousands of Confederate Flag-clad Trump supporters who gathered at the Capitol Tuesday. “We got boys on the front lines. Time to pony up.”
And while public opinion may be in Trump’s favor, many congressional Republicans are worried about increasing current race war spending due to their commitment to lowering the nation’s tax burden.
As House Speaker Paul Ryan stated prior to the president’s remarks, “No one wants an efficient, well-funded race war more than the Republican party. But hard truths need to be faced sometimes, and we may have to do more with less. I’m confident, though, that the private sector can greatly assist in this case, as many job creators are ready to do their patriotic duty and significantly contribute to the race war effort.”
President Trump appeared unfazed by such criticism, however, delivering a stirring speech Tuesday night which highlighted the value and importance he has placed upon further race war funding.
“We’ve got to do something here, people. I mean, little, our babies – our babies are dying. You know it’s true,” Trump said. “And hey, I’ll be the first one – you know, first one to say some are great. Jesse Owens. So fast. Anne Frank? I love Anne Frank. Almost as good at books as I am. But there’s just some places, parts of town – hey, there’s some bad dudes. There’s just some bad dudes out there, ok? We gotta take care of that.”
Though many pundits believe the president’s speech could add further momentum to a nationwide movement, certain congressional members are yet to be convinced.
“The federal budget encompasses many facets, with race war funding being only one piece of a greater whole,” Senator John McCain said. “The president knows this. And he also knows every dollar we put toward our race war is one we take away from any number of holy wars. So we need to keep that in perspective.”