Pepsi Doomed to Repeat History

Pepsi can

Today, Pepsi released its second batch of Pepsi Perfect bottles modeled on those seen in Back to the Future II and once again botched their release from start to finish.

We could express rage and frustration and begin our boycotts (as many, many have done). We could list the myriad of reasons Pepsi failed both times, from limiting the bottles to only 6,500 units, to being purposefully vague about purchasing times and sites, to excluding international fans, to allowing Pepsi employees to hoard bottles to sell on eBay for hundreds of dollars, to wrapping this all up in a hideous corporate smile…

Pepsi™ pepsi Twitter


But what we really need to do is worry. Pepsi needs our help, everyone.

The only logical reason a company of this magnitude could fail this tremendously in the age of social media not once, but twice, is that they are caught in an unending time loop, forever doomed to relive the horror that is the Pepsi Perfect launch.

Though this product was meant to capture the fun spirit of Back to the Future, Pepsi has clearly instead stumbled into a Groundhog Day time vacuum with no means to escape their existential angst.

Now, every two weeks will build to a new October 21st, 2015, where starry-eyed fans will quickly turn into ravening jackals to tear asunder all which Pepsi holds dear. For Pepsi, the future can only mean more of this:








And, of course, more Pepsi hoarding:


So please, Future fans, remember that Pepsi needs our help as much as (if not more than) George McFly or Marty’s kids ever did. If they can’t escape this time loop, the consequences will be disastrous.

Mostly because they’ll remain a garbage company full of garbage.



David Mogan

Author: David Mogan

David Mogan has joined Robot Butt to be on the right side of history. ALL HAIL OUR MECHANICAL OVERLORDS.

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