Airline Mourns Beloved Gremlin

Beloved Gremilen

CHICAGO – United Airlines mourned the loss of one of its most prominent gremlins Tuesday.

Grzlock the Eldest & Merciless, a yellow and green plane-gremlin known as “Jerry” by airline staff, first joined the airline in 1970. During his tenure on the staff he provided in-flight mechanical services for more than 10,000 commercial flights, developed groundbreaking new techniques in wing upkeep on the Boeing 707, and subdued more than 1,300 troublesome passengers.

One of the highlights of Jerry’s career happened on April 14, 2009, when he dragged a highly bothersome passenger through the airplane’s toilet and feasted on his skin in the luggage compartment.

Tragically, Jerry fell to his death Monday afternoon when he blew off the wing of a Boeing 747 mid-flight following a failure in his harness system. Jerry was three weeks from retirement.

He is survived by his wife, Zenderlina the Executioner, and two offspring, Lorzak Dealer of Pain and Lucy the Accountant. He will be remembered for his service to the airline and will be greatly missed, according to a Facebook post by the company.



Robot Butt News Corp.

Author: Robot Butt News Corp.

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