I Went to the Grammys (Almost) and Here is What Happened

2015 Grammy Awards

I’ll be up front with you all, I did not make it to this year’s Grammys. I had a thing going on that night and just wasn’t able to fit it in to my schedule, unfortunately. It probably would have been a good time, and I definitely would have met some cool people, but you have to prioritize in life.

However, if I had went, I think it would have went a little something like this…

Taylor Swift

I think T Swift and I could really hit it off.

First things first, find T Swift. I’m a bit of a change of pace for her. Normally she goes for awesome, handsome dudes, and I’m kind of on the other end of the spectrum. After a little playful worshipping, I’m able to shame my way into getting her number. I ruin it later in the night by texting that “I had such an incredible time hanging out tonight”. Way too soon. Good to know for next time.

Next, I find Weird Al on the red carpet. Not as weird in person. Kind of a bummer. I told him he should do some photobombing while he’s on the red carpet, and I think he took my advice.

We’re ushered into the building where there are so many open bars. Zach Braff was there, but he looked pretty drunk. I think they sent him home or something?

It’s an open bar, so what the heck? Two beers please, and when you come back around two more. They’re for my… friends. After about 2 hours of this, in which I had a delightful conversation about the merits of artistry in the new millennium with Will Smith, I’m most certainly drunk and ready to get my Grammy on.

Before heading into the auditorium, I yell “Weird Al did it better!” at Iggy Azalea. He may have been slightly less weird than expected, but I still got my boy’s back.

I’m about 10 beers in, and the lights are going dim. I whisper to Kendrick to wake me up if anything truly amazing happens, but he never did. I must not have missed much, and those seats are hard to sleep in. I made it work. What woke me up was Beck slightly tripping over my knees as he went up to receive an award. Good for him. That loser song is awesome.

Oh yeah! Kanye did something or another.

And that’s the best approximation I can give of what would have happened had I gone to the Grammys.


B. Joseph Jackson

Author: B. Joseph Jackson

Professional Goober. Receive unwanted tweets from him @bripbrop.

Share This Post On