Excellent Rap Lyrics, Volume IX: John Cena Will Brush Your Teeth

John Cena

No enemy is more dangerous than the one who will do something nice for you first, disarming you completely right before obliterating your entire world. And judging by his Titantron entrance song, John Cena is exactly that type of person.

Look at this line from his own rap song, “The Time is Now”:

“I got my soul straight, I brush your mouth like Colgate.”

Now that’s just nice. It makes sense; after all, he is all about the “Rise Above Hate” movement. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that John Cena is willing to save you the trouble and just brush your teeth for you! And if he plans to do so like Colgate, then you know you’re in for a deep clean that will leave your mouth feeling fresh for the rest of the day. What a guy Cena is!

But wait…weren’t you going to wrestle him just a minute ago? What happened to that? Did he turn over a new leaf and shift to the life of a pacifist? Is this a new John Ce-oh no, now you’re getting an Attitude Adjustment!

Damn you, John Cena. Damn you!



Steve DiMatteo

Author: Steve DiMatteo

Steve is an editor for Robot Butt. You can follow him on Twitter @steve_dimatteo.

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