Female Monsters Work Twice as Hard for Same Number of Scares

WitchAccording to an exhaustive study released by the OECD, women monsters, creatures, and supernatural killers must work longer hours and resort to more gruesome methods to match their male counterparts.

“It’s like we have to be everything, all at once,” says local witch, Gritzel the Evil. “Look at Frankenstein. All he does is basically show up and he gets a scare. You think a woman monster could get away with that? Not on your life.”

While female monsters have come a long way since the spooky days of old, statistics show that the “scare-gap” has remained stagnant since the the mid-90s. This means that many female monsters end up taking second jobs.

“I don’t get what the big deal is,” offered Wolf Man, the man who turns into a wolf. “Male monsters are just different than female monsters. That’s just science. Why don’t we celebrate our differences? Otherwise I’ll be footing the bill every time some witch goes on demon baby maternity leave.”

Undeterred, Gritzel the Evil and many she-monsters like her focus their energy on getting higher body counts, causing more bloody, spectacular deaths, and hosting petition drives at the local community center.

“I don’t expect it to happen overnight,” says Gritzel. “But I envision a world where you are just as likely to be horrifically murdered by a female monster as a male one.”



Robot Butt News Corp.

Author: Robot Butt News Corp.

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