HOLLYWOOD – In anticipation of the box office success of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Paramount Pictures has announced a slate of sequels and spin-offs that will take the franchise well into the year 2209.
“We’re very excited to build on what I can only assume will be a hit,” CEO and Chairman Brad Grey said in a press conference. “And so we want to make sure we strike the iron while it’s hot. Over and over and over again.”
Grey announced plans for 50 sequels featuring the Turtles, as well as spin-off solo movies for each of the half-shell heroes, Casey Jones, and April O’Neil. There will also be origin movies for Shredder, Splinter, and the Turtles’ favorite pizza delivery guy. Grey then announced they hope to get in on the universe building Marvel Studios has perfected by green-lighting Usagi Yojimbo and Cerebus films, whose characters would then crossover into the Turtles’ adventures much like they did in the comics.
“No one knows who these characters are,” Grey said. “But we’re sure we can still use them to fill seats. I mean, if Marvel can do it how hard can it be?”
Grey then began to sweat profusely. “Right?”
By 2093, Paramount will also roll out movies focusing on one individual Foot Clan member, the guy who sharpens Shredder’s armor, and the extra from Scene No. 24 of the first movie. Though it has not been confirmed, Grey teased there may also be a team-up between the Turtles and Vanilla Ice in the future.
When asked how the studio could be certain interest in the franchise would continue so far into the future given the tendency for trends to wax and wane in popularity, and how they would deal with the logistics of having the titular characters remain teenagers for 195 years, Grey gave a high-shrieked laugh before sprinting in the other direction while stripping off his clothes.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles opens in theaters August 8.
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