100 Words or Less: On Growing a Summer Beard
Jun30

100 Words or Less: On Growing a Summer Beard

Any yo-yo can grow a beard in the winter and pat himself on the back for it, like he actually accomplished something. But it’s the bravery to grow a beard in the summer that separates the true men from the boys. You dare the humidity to do its worst and laugh in the face of 90-degree days, the earth so scorched sidewalks turn red (that’s a thing, right?). And there you are, basking in your unshaven beauty, fully aware of...

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Local Douchebag Can’t Believe He Hasn’t Found Soulmate on OkCupid Yet
Jun29

Local Douchebag Can’t Believe He Hasn’t Found Soulmate on OkCupid Yet

CLEVELAND – Jeffery Bruller, 28, works as a local bank teller and is absolutely beside himself that he has not met the woman he will marry in the five weeks his OkCupid profile has been online. Bruller, who is also an avid collector of swords and knives and poses with them regularly in pictures, cannot understand why he hasn’t been messaged by his dream girl. “I’m really not sure what I’m doing wrong,”...

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The Government is One Big Confused, Technology-Impaired Parent
Jun27

The Government is One Big Confused, Technology-Impaired Parent

In the last year, the U.S. government has been under harsh criticism for many things, two of which being the overall setup and implementation of the Obamacare website and former Director of IRS Exempt Organizations Lois Lerner’s emails miraculously disappearing as the investigation begins as to whether the agency specifically targeted conservative groups. With the Obamacare website, we were fed every excuse for its failings just...

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Things You Should Know About: ‘Polybius’
Jun26

Things You Should Know About: ‘Polybius’

Here’s the deal: Ever since Roderick Q. Videogame invented the Cathode Ray Tube Amusement Device in 1947 – or at least, ever since Tommy Henderson beat like, five kids in a row at Pong, I swear, in 1972 – video games have delighted and amused. Though it took a while for games to go from “stuff the math kids are into” to “multibillion dollar industry” to “holy fuck, look at what the...

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Villain Quarterly – The Architecture Issue
Jun25

Villain Quarterly – The Architecture Issue

More jokes, at no extra...

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