Excellent Rap Lyrics, Volume III: Eminem Knows Some Loopholes in the Universe

Eminem

If there was ever going to be a rapper who would discover a loophole in the very structure of our universe, and then decide to exploit that for his own sexual purposes, it would be Eminem.

And in his song “Not Afraid,” he lays it out quite clearly that, somehow, he has found a way to have sex with the entire universe.

See for yourself:

“His gift is a curse, forget the Earth, he’s got the urge /
To pull his dick from the dirt, and fuck the whole universe.”

As is so clearly evident, Eminem has a “gift,” and that gift, apparently, is the ability to bang the entire universe. Ignoring why he would have his dick in the dirt in the first place, the real problem is that he doesn’t elaborate on the universe at all; he simply moves right along, like we’re supposed to forget that he just told us he has figured out a way to manipulate the size of either the universe or his own being and utilize it to bring himself sexual gratification.

And how exactly does he achieve the climax? If we look up to the stars at the right time, are we to see a supernatural, otherworldly and unfathomably large penis that belongs to Marshall Mathers, thrusting back and forth, perhaps stimulated by the friction of stars colliding against his shaft?

This is a man who has figured out the absolute key to the universe and can, apparently, manipulate it to his own sexual advantage.

We want to know how, and we want to know why. We want answers.

 

 




Steve DiMatteo

Author: Steve DiMatteo

Steve is an editor for Robot Butt. You can follow him on Twitter @steve_dimatteo.

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