This step-by-step guide equips families searching for reliable childcare with the tools necessary to weed out biomechanical entities from their candidate pool. As society slowly drifts unceasingly toward a post-apocalyptic humanoid state, finding reliable childcare has become increasingly difficult. Parents everywhere have found themselves employing affable and competent nannies, only to discover that they are synthetic lifeforms designed to prevent their baby from commanding a rebel horde of humans in the ineluctable clash of man vs. machine. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that by 2030, nearly 30% of all nanny positions will be held by megalomaniacal cyborgs designed to…
Author: Tommy Smith
Tommy Smith
Tommy Smith is a Philadelphia-based comedian who is passionate about breakfast cereals, fears tight spaces, and has male pattern baldness.
When Justin Cho, 36, returned to his hometown of Dumont, New Jersey, with dreams of launching a food truck, his market analysis revealed a scene that felt stale and often gimmicky. , Cho struggled to find a unique space in the already oversaturated market. All of that changed when a 1982 Western Star 4900 animal rendering truck came onto the market. Cho spent the better part of last year converting the vehicle into his booming funnel cake food truck, Funnel of Love. “My vision was clear from the beginning — honor the region’s history of hauling and annihilating animal carcasses while…