Author: Steve DiMatteo

I don’t care what your Christmas plans are. They’re done. Cancel them. There is no room for Christmas cheer or happiness of any kind for the rest of this year, as Eddie, the Oregon Zoo’s slam dunking and masturbating otter, has died at the ripe old age of 20. Rescued in 1998 from the California coast, Eddie had lived at the Oregon Zoo since 2000, making him one of the oldest of his kind. But that’s not the only thing that made him a hero. Eddie could dunk a basketball – thunderous, ferocious dunks that amazed visitors (and helped his…

They say that the internet was supposed to open an unimaginable treasure trove of information for people, and, well… they were right! Every month, we are blown away by the amount of people who take to the internet to seek out information and are brought to Robot Butt. These are always such insightful queries, and I feel like it’s our duty to highlight them. So without further ado, here is an unedited list of some search terms that brought people to Robot Butt in October: big pile of poop dwarf throwing sport olympics feed susan collins to the lobsters fuck…

In this country, we salute our heroes. There are people out there who want to make it a crime to honor them, but here at Robot Butt, we aren’t afraid. We aren’t afraid to stand up for these people and say, “Thank you.” Thank you for always being there for us. Thank you for putting in the countless hours working to make us safe. To bring joy to our lives. Thank you for being the only constant in a world that feels increasingly chaotic and unpredictable. If you’re like us, you want the world to know that you support these…

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors is way better than it has any right to be. It expands on the mythology of the series in a really inventive way, provides inspired Freddy Krueger kills, and brings back Nancy Thompson in a satisfying way that caps off her story. But the best part of this movie actually comes after the credits start rolling, when Dokken’s song “Dream Warriors” starts playing. Dokken has contributed plenty of hits to the ’80s metal catalog, and “Dream Warriors” is a legitimate entry (it did, after all, end up on the band’s album Back for…

The summer is winding down, but humanity’s quest for knowledge hasn’t slowed one bit. Here is just a sampling – unedited, of course – of some of the search terms that brought people to Robot Butt last month: batman penis size antifa mascot queef scrabble what is the butt of a spider called pixar murderous lamp sell your testicle fat pope mulan poop song papa johns diarrhea penguin butt kim jong un bitmoji the fuck house hitlers time machine throw virgin into volcano hot dog etiquette hillary clinton’s butt masturbation ted talk naked mailman burger baron twitter talk to a…

In this era of enhanced anti-intellectualism, we must stay vigilant in the hunt for knowledge, never wavering in our ultimate goal of learning more about the world in which we live. Here at Robot Butt, we always want to honor this quest, so here is a list of unedited search terms that brought people to the site last month: antique butt roadshow 9/11 was an inside joke ham is what meat hardcore christmas terminator penis kobe bryant real name tooth party michael keaton wallpaper hot dogs in face queef scrabble spider bites on testicles what do scientists wear what kind…

The United States government is no stranger to obscene waste, but this is one of my favorite examples because of just how preventable it truly is. Last year, the US Mint lost an ASS TON of money producing 8.4 billion pennies, due in large part to the rising cost of zinc. It now costs 1.5 cents to make a penny, resulting in the biggest loss reported for the production of the penny in nine years (not to be outdone, the nickel now costs seven cents to make). I’d want to say that this is renewing calls for the penny to…

It’s important to reward the quest for knowledge in this day and age. With this baffling pride in ignorance so many people seem to have, we feel it’s our duty to highlight the folks out there taking it upon themselves to increase their knowledge about a wide array of subjects. With that in mind, here are some of the most enlightening search terms that brought people to Robot Butt last month: did the kids die in willy wonka thick grandma rap lyrics about hoes elon musk satanic mole people importance of pooping animal penis italian robot masturbation throw virgin into…

Ever since I learned that he would be going back out on tour, I’ve been doing some serious jamming to Phil Collins. While he’s got so many hits to choose from, I’ve been particularly down with his 1984 collaboration with Earth, Wind & Fire’s Philip Bailey, “Easy Lover.” As Collins himself has said in later interviews, it’s a song that can’t be confined to any one era or genre. It deftly blends elements from all over – at one moment, you can feel the soul inspiration, which is right before it launches into a great guitar solo. It’s just a…

It’s a pretty well-known fact that songs written while on acid produce the best music we have. Which is how we were gifted with Christopher Cross’s “Ride Like the Wind,” a song about a criminal on the run to Mexico, written in 1979 immediately after the songwriter dropped some acid. According to an interview Cross did with Songfacts, “We were living in Houston at the time, and on the way down to Austin to record the songs, it was just a beautiful Texas day. I took acid. So I wrote the words on the way down from Houston to Austin on acid.”…