Baseball scouts rate prospects using a 20-80 scale (50 average) with each 10-point increment representing a standard deviation.Below, find DraftQueens’ Fantasy Top Ten Heartthrob Prospects, their Pitching Woo Ratings, and a Capsule Review:
A) High Hard Stuff; B) Good Movement C) Change of Pace; D) Durability; E) Intangibles
1) Lancelot du Lac – A) 75; B) 75; C) 65; D) 70; E) 75)
This pitcher of woo features pure stuff that he protects like a guarded Queen. He’s capable of bringing down dynasties and sweeping away formidable foes. Projections say he could stake a claim as a gifted closer, saving games by putting out fires in desperate situations.
2) Rhett Butler – A) 70; B) 75; C) 60; D) 60; E) 70
Give a damn about Butler; he’s already driven the Yanks crazy. The Southpaw will surprise with changing speeds that break hearts. He is best pitching woo against fiery opponents, manifested callup duel against the Reds’ ace, O’Hara. Should be in the picture for blockbuster performances.
3) Achilles of the Myrmidons – A) 70; B) 75; C) 75; D) 50; E) 65
Like Tommy John and Lou Gehrig, Achilles’ name pinpoints physical vulnerability. Still, warrior disposition emerged when he thrashed NCAA’s Trojans, who hectored him about his desire to pitch woo both ways. Homer noted his tall, striking looks, with unmatched strength.
4) James Bond – A) 70; B) 65; C) 65; D) 60; E) 70
The Astros, infamous for spying, seem like a logical destination. An iconoclast, he insists on wearing 007 when toeing the slab; nevertheless, he’s a great Moneyball/Moneypenny fit. His initial signing negotiations hint he might eventually want to pitch woo for a myriad of admirers.
5) Fitzwilliam Darcy – A) 55; B) 55; C) 70; D) 75; E) 65
Dependable and durable, this proud pitcher of woo should impress. Scouts who have prejudices about his prospects might miss the fact that he promises a long run. Not afraid to change his approach by addressing weaknesses, he’s proven worthy of a second chance in the show.
6) Aragorn of Gondor – A) 55; B) 60; C) 55; D) 65; E) 65
Until he turned twenty, Aragorn flew under the radar gun, but he’s lately unearthed a kingly presence, pitching woo and mowing down opponents with newly discovered weapons. Rugged and a born leader, he’s made great strides and could eventually win a ring for his Rangers.
7) Derek “Dr. McDreamy” Shepherd – A) 75; B) 50; C) 50; D) 55; E) 65
Doctoring your rotation to add this promising woo pitcher promises dreamy results. Even in road greys, he’s a mound surgeon. Though his high, hard one and nonpareil anatomical gifts make him desirable, his libertine choice of deliveries might foreshadow a short time in the show.
8) Vergible “Tea Cake” Woods – A) 65; B) 45; C) 55; D) 55; E) 70
Janie, a sharp-eyed talent scout, claims Tea Cake looks like the love thoughts of fellow female scouts, that toeing the rubber to pitch woo he’s a glance from God. Playful, he’s a team player who won’t steal the spotlight from a team’s star. Still, his dark presence on the bump intimidates.
9) Kenneth “Ken” Sean Carson – A) 50; B) 55; C) 70; D) 65; E) 50
This Barbieland prospect (originally Willows, Wisconsin) projects as a rotation’s #2. Though he doesn’t have much of a heater (he’s said to “see pink rather than red”), he pitches woo with a guile that overcomes his fragile arms, legs, and head, seemingly segmented when in his windup.
10) Romeo Montague – A) 65; B) 50; C) 55; D) 50; E) 60
Montague wears the rose of youth, but will he flower when it matters? Is his time on the big stage destined to end early? Youthful comeback didn’t go well after getting farmed out to Mantua. Still, pitching woo like a veteran, his rise should be a rise, by any other name.
