1. You are a corporate cyber security specialist. A customer forwarded you an email they received, with an attached deep fake video featuring the face of your CEO seamlessly coupled to the body of a giraffe, recommending an immediate investment in acacia tree farms. What do you do?
A. Call your stockbroker. Find out if there is a market in acacia tree futures. Corner the market.
B. Go to the city zoo, sneak into the giraffe enclosure, and play connect the dots on a giraffe’s leg.
C. Order a tall Caffè Mocha at Starbucks.
D. All of the above.
2. You are a control room operator working the night shift at a $10 billion nuclear power plant. After several canceled safety inspections, alarms are sounding, dozens of red lights are flashing, and a pre-recorded voice repeatedly intones “Danger, Will Robinson.” What do you do?
A. Look for patterns in the flashing red lights that may indicate a path to salvation, or at least the location of the “off” button.
B. Regret missing the relevant training session.
C. Change your Starbucks order to a grande Caffè Mocha.
D. All of the above.
3. You are an airline pilot. While on final approach to your destination airport, air traffic control puts you on hold “for just a sec” because of staffing cuts. What do you do?
A. Stick your head out the window to see if there’s anything on the runway that might be considered problematic or otherwise troublesome.
B. Look over to the copilot to see if they have any better suggestions.
C. Text the Starbucks next to the pilots’ lounge and order a venti Caffè Mocha, extra whip.
D. All of the above.
4. You are a National Park Superintendent. You have closed the park because the toilets are overflowing after all the staffing cuts. Screaming mobs of angry tourists are gathering at the main park gate, demanding entry and building a scaffold to hang you in effigy. What do you do?
A. Advise the mob that collecting wood, even fallen wood, for building the scaffold is a violation of park regulations.
B. Provide the mob with a clean park ranger uniform so the effigy is properly dressed for the occasion.
C. Grab a coffee from the gift shop and wish your favorite mocha syrup had not been cut from the budget.
D. All of the above.
5. You are an angry American voter. You and 77 million others re-elected an aged, narcissistic man-child to the presidency because you thought he wouldn’t really do the things he repeatedly pledged to do during his campaign, but he is, and for some reason this surprises you. What do you do?
A. Blame the Democrats for not doing a better job of getting out the vote.
B. Blame the Senate for not doing a better job of vetting his nominations.
C. Blame the media for not doing a better job of explaining that this would very likely happen.
D. All of the above.
Answer key
Questions 1-4
A. You are an independent thinker. No job for you here.
B. You are a do-gooder liberal. No job for you here
C. You are admirably well-caffeinated, but still, no job for you here. Try Starbucks.
D. You are an indecisive waffler. We can’t believe you even bothered to apply. No job for you here.
Question 5
A. While you show promise, no job for you here.
B. A fair assessment, but no job for you here.
C. A true but incomplete response, so no job for you here.
D. You’re hired! Grab your laptop bag and report to the nearest DOGE office for immediate indoctrination on how to uncover massive government waste.