As the 33rd Governor of the great state of South Dakota I’ve been burnishing my credentials to be Donald Trump’s Vice Presidential nominee. Unfortunately, the media has been rabidly attacking me for murdering my 14-month-old dog Cricket.
For some reason the story of me dragging a dog I was sick of to a gravel pit and shooting him between the eyes for the crime of being a dog has created some bad public relations. Since 1968 the Republican Party has been solely dedicated to the southern strategy. You know, the Nixon law-and-order stuff. Demonize, denigrate, and discriminate against anyone who doesn’t look, talk, pray, or think like we do. Scare white people into voting for us.
Rather than appeal to the majority of voters its easier to disenfranchise voters we don’t like so we can’t lose elections. Gerrymandering, Voter ID, dark money, you get it.
So a political party unified around christian nationalism committed to unwinding American democracy while endangering religious and racial minorities, immigrants, refugees, women, the GLBTQ community, the planet, free speech, an independent judiciary. Basically anything that ACTUALLY makes America great.
Destroying all of that is cool for about half the country. But killing a dog is too much? That’s your red line? Separating families at the border or trafficking migrants and shipping them to blue states to win a conservative media news cycle. That’s fine? But I can’t kill my own dog?
I could shoot someone on 5th Ave in New York City and not lose voters, but if I shot a dog I would lose voters? That doesn’t make sense.
Let me clear something up snowflake. No government should tell a woman what to do with her own dog. Her puppy her choice. Keep your politics out of my kennel. Many women don’t intend to have dogs and aren’t ready for that financial and time obligation to give the puppies a loving home.
The decision to end Cricket in the first trimester of his life is mine alone. In fact, fewer than 1% of all dog terminations are beyond the 2nd trimester of life anyway. No unelected political appointees can take my fundamental right away. A right mind you that generations of women have relied on. Yet state after state has trigger laws, and other Targeted Recriminations of Animal Predators to chip away at my right to privacy, to decide if I want to be a pet owner. Women with enough resources can travel to other states without these laws. But prosecuting women or the vets that help them for dog killings won’t stop dog killings. It will just force more women, like me, to have back alley gravel pits resorting to unsafe, unregulated dog terminations.
Now there are even proposals to ban killing after 6 weeks when many women don’t even realize they are pet owners. Or prohibit the ability of pet owners to spay or neuter their pet which reduces the risk of unplanned puppies.
I think the liberal media has created this myth of the sympathetic dog character. Hyped as man’s best friend and loyal companion. That’s why I fully support the proposal in South Dakota to ban obscene books. Books like Old Yeller.
Now admittedly, I only read the last couple pages. That’s my favorite part. But it’s a disgusting book from what I’ve heard. Rabies isn’t the problem, it’s the woke mind virus. Old Yeller is a migrant that shows up in Texas without proper documentation. We don’t know where he’s coming from. Perhaps he’s from China? Or Iran?
If Joe Biden wasn’t so weak on the border Old Yeller never would have made it to the Coates Farm.
But instead, the mangy dog is some kind of great replacement for the father figure and brings in dangerous diseases. The family had ever right to shoot the dog. In fact, if Old Yeller tried that in my small hometown of Watertown, South Dakota he would have gotten a different reception. The gun is the hero of that story not the diseased canine. They should have shot Old Yeller for invading the border of their property before Chapter 2.
Trump-Noem 2024.