Dear Joseph of Nazareth:
I am the manager at the Bethlehem Stables Inn. I was disappointed to read your harsh criticism of your review of your stay at our property on December 25, 0000. Rest assured we take all guests’ complaints seriously, even those from the most famous cuck in history. I am writing today in response to numerous accusations you leveled at our fine establishment. We are quite proud to post a 4.7 star average on TripAdvisor and 4.9 on Google.
I’d like to begin by noting our operational mission statement:
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
It is something we truly believe here at the Bethlehem Stables Inn and we’re sorry you did not feel your experience matched that credo.
You wrote the following and I quote:
“Horrible experience. I’d give negative stars if I could. No room at the Inn, and no place for my baby to sleep! Instead we were thrown into a barn and slept on scratchy straw.”
Due to our longstanding service record to the greater Jerusalem metro area we are quite popular especially around the holidays. You and your family arrived quite late on Christmas without a reservation. As such, we had no room at the Inn. Our records indicate our concierge did offer to call around to other local establishments but you declined to seek other accommodations.
Your wife Mary was observed to be in active labor so I completely emphasize with you not wanting to leave and pursue other options at a hospital or hotel. But again, since we were at capacity we had no crib for a bed. Not wanting to cast you out, we offered (and you accepted) a complimentary upgrade to our Rustic Farm Wonders Suite that had a late cancellation. This was safely away in a manger.
As you can see we did our best to adjust to the medical exigency and give you and your wife the best possible experience. Please note, only guests in Suite lodgings receive the full continental breakfast and private lavatories. You also have your own shared Camel Uber service to a reserved section of the Dead Sea along with mud spa access.
You continued writing:
“The barn was filthy with excrement on the floor and yet later WE were hit with a totally bogus cleaning fee. Worse yet, we also were charged for extra occupancy. I’m looking at finding a lawyer to study Hammurabi’s Code to challenge this in small claims court. I will be filing a complaint with the Better Barn Bureau.”
If you’ll permit me, I’d like to clarify a few things here. You told us you needed space for two guests. However, three adult men showed up after Mary gave birth. They brought gold, frankincense, and myrrh. The gold was no problem. But to have three extra people bring along the frankincense and myrrh was a problem as it left a sticky, sap resin all over the walls and floors which required extra cleaning costs and even some plumbing issues as it got into the pipes. Finally, please note you also had three centuries of Italian renaissance painters come through to do the same portrait of Madonna and Child.
I will refrain from further comment pending your legal action. Nonetheless, we are sorry you did not enjoy your experience but do wish you’ll consider amending your review or staying with us again.
Yours in Christ,
Sheldon Adelson
General Manager
Bethlehem Sands Corporation