PLEASE HELP! I Need A Good Excuse To Get Out Of Aaron’s Slime Night and I Need it ASAP!

I AM AN IMBECILE! Literally three months ago Aaron told us all the date to mark for his “Slime Night.” He was very excited and made it very clear that we ALL needed to be there. He picked the date so far ahead so that we’d all be available. He even did the evil thing where we asked if we were free that day THEN told us what was happening after we’d all said we were free. He said if any of us cancel or back out we better “have a really good, sincere, and life-altering excuse.” He said if we got caught lying or making an excuse deemed unworthy “we’d be sorry.”

I forgot all about this stupid thing and now it’s happening on FRIDAY! I cannot be more explicitly clear than this: I do not want to go to Aaron’s Slime Night. I do not know what a Slime Night is. Even if I did, I feel confident I wouldn’t want to go to one Aaron is throwing because that guy SUCKS. He told us to bring THREE changes of clothes and a shareable food item for the potluck. I don’t want to eat chips and three people’s French Onion dip at something called “Slime Night.”

I also don’t know what will happen to me if I don’t make a good enough excuse. He said if anyone no showed and didn’t give a reason he would call their parents. That honestly doesn’t seem that bad but the line of questioning I would get if this guy called my dad is NOT WORTH IT!

So please, I’m panicking. I need a surefire hit of an excuse that will make it to where no one on Earth could hold it against me if I skip Slime Night. Something that even Aaron, a guy who wears a vest, would accept at face value without pause. At the bottom of this piece, comment ANY ideas you have. I’m sure one will absolutely work and if not I’ll stack like three of them into some kind of Voltron excuse.

Oh, and don’t worry about Aaron seeing this. He doesn’t check the site. He said humor is “like poetry except it’s a pointless literary form AND doesn’t rhyme.”