1. Urinal Pitch Clock (sensors in enlarged foot bases under urinal start the clock) • 15-20 second hold without release: get struck to the back of the waiting line
2. Universal Designated Shitter (a reserved luxury box for non-VIP fans) • Reserve a time and a stall in the women’s restroom online from the stands
3. Ghost Runner Concession Place Holder (step in when your ghost runner’s 2nd in line) • Long lines at concession stands? No misgivings or extra innings to start 2nd
4. Pitch Com Wristbands (makes ordering merchandise or betting on every pitch timely) • With two gambling sponsors, MLB notes 15-20 seconds still allows wagering time
5. Kiss Cam Automatic Balk Rule (two attempted kisses allowed before incurring a balk) • The object of pickoff will get to second or even first base without pitcher of woo
Fan Promotions to Accompany New Rules and Attract New Fans
1. New “City Connect” Unis Designed by Tattoo and Graffiti Artists (Contemporary and colorful)
2 “High Heat” – A Cannabis Lounge (High in the stadium stands, in states where legal)
3. “The Humidor” – Cigar Lounge, with Game Balls Behind Glass (“That Ball was Smoked”)
4. “Double Play” — Singles Section for Hookups (Not your grandpa’s Kiss Cam)
5. Bat Flip Contest — Three Chosen Contestants (For style and distance between innings).
6. Cornhole Resin Bag Toss Contest – Three Other Contestants (“Airmail the bag” before resin gets outlawed)
7. Bench Jockey Taunting the Visitors Contest – Three Loudmouths (Billy Martin wannabes vie as if on sports talk radio)
8. Big Bang Thumpers Contest – For Dweebs in Stands to WAR amongst themselves (Computing sabermetric formulas/statistics/odds fastest while sneaking peeks at the game)
9. Knee Brace Device Holder Giveaway (Brace for old-timers and young soccer players – [Millennials don’t play baseball] with PitchCom-like shin-guard slots for your device)
10. Under the Hat Reveal (One fan gets to write a note, message revealed on field in 7th inning from under the hat of favorite player; old-school pitchers or fielders checking notes for pitch selection or fielding alignment would have taken their lives in their hands doing so)
Future Rule Changes and Promotions to Spice Up Fan Experience Further?
1. Commode Robo-Ump Arbitrating Missed Targets (Keeping bathroom deliveries in the box, and calling out those who miss)
2. Plug ‘Em from the Stands (Commish espouses notion quicker games get back to baseball’s roots; instead of disdainfully throwing the ball back on the field after visitor homer, fan who ends up with the ball gets one shot to “plug” the hitter as he rounds the bases with the ball to turn ball hit into the stands into an out, harking back to the first days of the national pastime which had that dodgeball element in the rules)
3. Team Colors Condom Giveaway (Roman Health Care added to 38 MLB sponsors [future uniforms looking like those of race track drivers?] that already include liquor and gambling businesses [“Say it ain’t so, Joe Jackson and Pete Rose”] — Giants and Guardians ahead with potential promotions)
4. Peyronies Disease Awareness Night (Sponsored analytics-driven graphs and illustrations for all in attendance with contemporary baseball explanations about launch angle, drooping bats, and positioning)
