We decide to change from name Facebook to Faceborscht in part to reflect international nature of business model (we’re all about bring people together!), but also to demonstration our kommitment to you privacy.
After all, we are not book. We are more melting pot of faces. But we don’t care what your face look like. Nyet! Because we are no harvesters of biometric data; to us, all your faces are just like one big stew. And is red.
Our mission is give people the power to build kommuniy. To advance mission, we provide the following produkt and service:
A Personalized Experience
We use kompromat we have on you – from your photos, videos, private phone conversations, the bugs placed in lamp stands, small radio transmitters glued to the undersides of desk drawers, and highly-trained operative Alexa – to bring you into the fold. We see you love your mother. Not also Mother Russia?
Konnect You With the Comrades and Sleeper Cells You Care About
Old saying that still hold true this day: “Don’t have one hundred rubles, have one hundred friends.” And that is what Faceborscht does! We help you undermine Democrat liberal plot to destroy great country of ours. Also yours. Did you know that right now Hillary Clinton is drafting bill to democratic dacha of Congress for to make mandatory the sex change of all American males over age of eighteen?
Da!
Outraged? Then perhaps you enjoy to join the “Hillary Killers” Faceborscht group. Free tiki torches.
Help You Discover Kontent, Produkt, and Service That May Interest You
Ad we show you that you like. For good thing, not bad. Perhaps you are running low on vodka? We already know that! And so we are put Stolichnaya ads on your Faceborscht page. Nesting dolls of course make perfect gift for little ones. Now available is new biography of Joseph Stalin, who was so unfairly treated in American media. They not wanting you to know what great tradition of czars is being carried forward today in personages Putin and Trump.
Combat Harmful Konduct and Protect Comrades
Here at Faceborscht we are against hate in all its formations. To make safe the social medium, now all data collection to go through Kremlin review. Some promoters of produkts harmful of our children, such as CBD, will be referred now to KGB. Fellow travelers not demonstrating due respect during tour of Red Square will be immediately transferred to gulag. Same goes for Siberians not sufficiently husky. Food scarcity is no excuse for defection and will not be tolerated.
Research Ways to Improve Service
Hold on to your ushankas! It is extra input for improved output. Intelligence gathered will not be artificial, though bots can help us with deliverables for your little babushka. Drones may take blinis to her when she is sad and alone. Troubleshooting will be performed with Kalashnikovs, by Cossacks.
Global Access to Our Services
Kontent and data will now be accessible throughout all annexed lands, and housed in central Chernobyl cloud controlled by our father Vladimir and new adoptive son, Mark. Also, name change to St. Petersburg: is now St. Zuckerberg.
