I am appalled seeing how far this country has fallen, voting for officials who engage in cussing and free will. The vulgar language constantly displayed by our president and followed by Michigan congresswoman Rashida Tlaib calling him a motherfu… mother… m-just know it’s dangerous to the values of this republic. It’s too filthy to repeat, too toxic for my lips to utter that word. It’s why Jeff Bezos and Tim Cook must join forces and build the next president. I’d suggest Mark Zuckerberg but he did something bad, I think.
Why stop with Siri or Alexa? The 46th president of the United States should be made from Grade-A USA metal. Our AI president will possess superior manners aided by a hard drive memory of Emily Post’s Etiquette and have award-winning oratory skills. Think Obama’s velvety voice mixed with JFK’s delivery mixed with FDR’s friendly intimacy topped off with Reagan’s Hollywood cadences.
Heck, why not make the next president look like a combination of all these men while we’re at it? Imagine that: the next great all-American robot president of the United States standing tall, unshaken in the face of adversity. Once the 2020 presidential election is underway, an unknown from the Great Plains will enter the race. The mainstream media will inevitably ignore him, but his speeches reminisce to a time of stability, igniting an avalanche of viral support. When political opponents throw jabs, he shrugs. CAN UNAFFECTED WIN IT ALL? Time magazine asks, with our future leader gracing the cover in stoic bliss.
There is nothing controversial about his past because he is a robot. No dancing. No DUI mugshot. And no obscenities, of course. He’s so dry, so un-2019 that it’s refreshing.
The media will try to dig up dirt, searching for old photos, anything they can use to discredit this candidate. Yet the most unsettling thing he does will be repeating a phrase three successive times due to a malfunction. What was that, they’ll say. Op-eds will be written about him having a possible stroke. #Stroke will trend on Twitter for a few hours, only to be replaced by another candidate’s hot-headed outburst.
Well, who would vote for someone with no documented history, you may ask. But did anyone know Beto O’Rourke before 2018?
We could finally go back to a time where we are proud to be American, envious of our newly elected unflappable president. The news will be boring again, as it should be. I’m not suggesting a new world order. Our leader can still aid in bombing third-world countries, overthrow democratically elected governments, and lock up innocent children. I just want a robot, someone with decorum. That’s all.
