“I’m not an anti-Semite. I’m anti-Termite” – Louis Farrakhan
Hi anti-Semites!
I’m exhausted trying to keep up with your fun little nicknames for us Jews. Boy, oh boy – you’re too funny! You’ve affectionately dubbed us “rats,” “pigs,” “cockroaches,” and most recently “termites.” Each and every one of your lovely terms of endearment has confused me, but… “termites”? Termites destroy the structures of buildings and feed on the wood in your houses.
Now, my Hitler-worshipping pals, how could I – a Jew – be compared to such a destructive little pest? Sure, my dentist Dr. Cohen (another undercover vermin) says I have some wear and tear on my molars, but do you think I went through four miserable – and costly! – years of wearing braces to simply chew through the foundation of your home?
When I was 14 years old, I broke a wire eating a cucumber in Jew camp (You know us, we love being in camps. Don’t you wish you could keep us there forever?). As a result, my orthodontist Dr. Goldstein (oyy vey another secretive vermin doctor) forced me to wear headgear that wrapped around my skull for an entire summer. And yes, I cried myself to sleep in post-Bar-Mitzvah-age pain every night. But was this part of some secretive, globalist, orthodontic plan to get our Jewish teeth straighter, stronger, and ultimately more ax-like to destroy wood? Please, my Jewish-hating friends, I must know!
Last night, I waltzed up to a building with a placard that read “1933,” the same year that hilarious landscape painter came to power. I crouched down next to it, real termite-esque, and sunk my choppers into the building’s facade like a dog gleefully playing with his toy. “Excuse me, sir! What on Earth are you doing?” asked the doorman. I unclenched my now-toothless mouth from the brick and turned to look at him. “I’m fulfilling my Jewish destiny!” I said. The cops were called and it was a real doozy explaining to them, in handcuffs, why I was chewing on the exterior of a building. It’s even harder to talk to the cops when you suddenly have no teeth.
So, Nazi fetishists, while I appreciate your friendly monikers for us Jews, please stick to one that makes a little more sense.
With confusion and no teeth,
Jew
