As I begin my third ghost tour of the month, I am taking the time to reflect upon why I have decided to spend my energy and money walking around dusty old houses and cemeteries. A lot of people like to go on ghost tours because it gives them a great sense of history or something. Others want to knock it off of their bucket list. Not me, nerds! I am on this ghost tour for one reason and one reason only: I fully intend to fuck a ghost.
I have been on thirty-five ghost tours over the course of my life; each and every one the result of my single-minded desire to have a spirit from beyond the veil knock my clit into the next life. Is it unconventional? Yes. Am I more than a sexual thrill seeker? Of course. Is it necrophilia? Not if there isn’t a body involved, dumbass!
Here’s my reasoning: a ghost does not have to deal with any corporal limitations to partake in the art of pleasuring. The possibilities are endless. Also, ghosts are known for their constant shrieking and screaming, and I’m fairly certain that some of those have to be a result of some kind of otherworldly orgasm. And anyways, there’s no way any of my ghostly suitors could possibly get me pregnant, so all the sex is gonna be bare as fuck.
Furthermore, I bet those pent-up tight-ass Victorian ghosts would be amazing at fucking. After an entire lifetime of sexual repression, you can bet your ass they’re gonna want to fuck until they drop. I bet their ectoplasm is super hard. Mmmm. Even better – some kind of Roman ghost who hosted orgies in their lifetime. Imagine that kind of experience combined with the ghostly power to fuck well!
This is why my ghost tours have taken me all over the globe. I am constantly in search of the perfect ghost to get freaky with and have no shame about it. Everyone has their kink, so hop off and let me fulfill my life’s purpose of achieving climax with one of the dearly departed.
Note: While I have partaken in thirty-five different ghost tours, I’ve only actually completed seven of them. The other twenty-eight booted me out for asking questions like “Which ghost in this house do you think has the strongest libido?” or for humping a dead man’s bed, which is apparently “disrespectful” or something. Whatever. Prudes.