Most kids with terminal illnesses have a favorite stuffed animal from a multibillion dollar corporate entity they grow to love before passing on. But not all are so fortunate, which is why British Petroleum stepped in and announced it will use 100 percent authentic oil from its famous Deepwater Horizon disaster to stuff the decayed remains of all the wildlife it killed – called Petrol Pals! – and donate them to children with terminal illnesses.
If you’re a child who’s dying, your wish just came true. You see, a lot of times, people do the easy thing and just talk about how bad they feel for sick kids like you, but BP knows that when they give you a half-rotted, oil-stuffed tuna or some other kind of small toy, it lights up your world.
All Petrol Pals originate straight from the Gulf of Mexico, where they lifelessly washed ashore after the Deepwater Horizon rig exploded in 2010, killing eleven people, and ensuring thousands of sick kids like you have access to a new furry or scaly friend filled with a valuable commodity and a sound pack that mimics the noises your creature would make if it were alive.
Each Pal includes fun decorations, too. Every. Single. One. So if you’re a toddler fighting leukemia or a tween faking a cancer diagnosis to take attention away from your baby sister, you can choose from designs such as a studded sperm whale head, a glittered loon, or even the bedazzled torso of an endangered turtle species.
And as if that’s not enough, each Pal comes with an automatic enrollment into BP’s Driver Rewards program and a free tank of gas because, when it’s all said and done, your family can simply drain your Pal’s contents right into their gas tank.
Like you, this offer won’t last long because supplies are limited until the next rig explodes, so hurry up and make those wishes, kids!