Author: Steve

Deep down, I think we all knew that Taylor Swift was the kind of girl who would show up at your work and start yelling at you in front of your co-workers. Then when you try to calm her down, she’d scream even louder and say, “SEE! Do you all see how he’s trying to control me?!” Then pretty soon after, she’d ask if you two were still on for the weekend and you’d absolutely say yes. Until now, we had very little proof of this part of her personality, though. Aside from some breakup songs and ballads, which, admittedly, aren’t…

The rap game has been all over Christmas, from Christmas on Death Row (which includes the perfect “Santa Claus Goes Straight to the Ghetto”) to Run-D.M.C.’s “Christmas in Hollis” to Eazy-E’s “Merry Muthaphuckkin’ Xmas” to a whole slew of other old-school and even some new-school offerings, there is no shortage of hip hop and rap songs about Santa, presents and general mayhem around Christmas time. But where’s the love for Halloween? Sure, there are countless rap songs about murder, internal demons, doing some pretty psycho stuff, etc. But none of them are really outright about Halloween itself. Are Bobby Pickett’s “Monster…

This is what happens when you let dangerous minds operate without regulation of any kind. The animals at Papa John’s have introduced the Fritos Chili Pizza, a monstrosity that includes beef, chili sauce, Roma tomatoes and onions, topped with cheddar and mozzarella cheese. But the real madness is that the pizza is finished off with a layer of Fritos corn chips. That’s right – some sad employee at your area Papa John’s is forced to dump an entire bag of Fritos onto a beef pizza, which means: A) The employee will have to weep for humanity on a daily basis.…

The devil is probably pretty mad at Elon Musk right now. The PayPal/Tesla/SpaceX founder, while being interviewed at the MIT AeroAstro Centennial Symposium, outed the demon of all demons by suggesting that he’s just hanging around in hell waiting for humanity to finally develop full artificial intelligence. According to Musk, artificial intelligence is the demon’s gateway to us, even though it’s always seemed like he was already here in the form of Chuck Lorre. I think we should be very careful about artificial intelligence. If I had to guess at what our biggest existential threat is, it’s probably that. So we need…

Welcome to Monster Week here at Robot Butt, where we will be celebrating all things monster-related. While enjoying the fine work our writers and artists did on the content this week, be sure to always keep in mind that there is a monster hiding inside all of us. A terrible, sadistic monster waiting to be unleashed into the world. Sure, you probably feel like you’re a completely fine person much of the time. Perhaps you’re even so considerate of others that you go out of your way to do commendable things. But if this week teaches you anything, it will be that your…

As we are now finding out, King Tutankhamun sure didn’t have a lot going for him physically. According to a recent “virtual autopsy,” comprised of more than 2,000 computer scans, and a genetic analysis of Tut’s family, he had a whole mess of problems, including large, girlish hips, a club foot and buck teeth. And to make matters worse, instead of being the vaunted chariot racer that history has suggested, Tut could only move around with the help of a walking stick. There’s an explanation for his unfortunate appearance, too: Tut’s parents were most definitely brother and sister. So with…

Did you know that Ice Cube isn’t just doing Coors Light commercials these days? Apparently, he’s still rapping, and he has a song called “Drop Girl,” which features Redfoo and 2 Chainz, who appears to be lobbying pretty damn hard for the award of Worst Rapper Alive. In the song, Redfoo’s verse gets things started, and it includes this gem: “Ayy, I can’t hear you talking to me / Don’t interrupt me when I’m talking to the booty” So if Redfoo is talking to a butt, there are two possibilities as to why: he’s either out of his mind, or…

On a recent flight, the pilot came on to say something, but no one could make out what it was. Garbled and low, it sounded like gibberish. It really could have been anything. “Attention passengers, I’m going to be taking off my pants in a minute to vigorously insert my penis inside this honey-baked ham. I won’t be paying much attention to the flight, so there should be some slight turbulence.” Sure enough, there was plenty of turbulence, and as the plane rocked back and forth, I couldn’t help but wonder if the pilot found what he was looking for.

A completely unnecessary fifth Terminator movie is coming out, which should already make you skeptical that it will be a giant turd, even with Arnold Schwarzenegger’s return. But because the first three – that’s right, the first three – are such good movies, there has been a glimmer of hope that Terminator: Genisys will at least be somewhat acceptable. But that glimmer is fading quickly now that it’s all but guaranteed that it will be PG-13. The first three Terminator movies were all rated R, which of course has held a different meaning through the years. But still, the R-rating means just about anything goes – violence, vulgarity,…

Netflix balls pretty hard on a regular basis and has really taken its game up a notch in the past few years with a commitment to high-quality original programming. But the streaming service just posterized all of us and its competition by announcing that all of Friends will be available come January 1, 2015. Friends is one of those shows where if you claim to not like it, you’re just lying to impress someone, and it isn’t working. There really is no room for dissenting opinions when it comes to this show. It was consistently funny for most of its sprawling ten-season run,…