Author: Steve

Have you ever wondered how far up your nose your finger will reach? I have. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been fascinated by sticking my finger up my nose. And I’ve always been convinced that if I reached far enough, I could actually touch my own brain. Everyone has always told me that it’s essentially impossible, since there is a bone called the cribriform plate that essentially creates a ceiling to your nose to protect your brain. I’ve been told by many doctors that I couldn’t do it and, worse, that I shouldn’t do it, because I could die…

Halloween rap stinks, but Christmas rap is an entirely different story. There’s an abundance of Christmas rap, hip-hop and R&B out there and, for the most part, these artists aren’t just mailing it in for an easy paycheck. There is a lot of legitimately good Christmas rap out there, none of which gets the recognition it deserves, except for “Christmas in Hollis,” which is maybe – maybe – in the top five for best Christmas hip-hop songs of all time. So to give Christmas rap its rightful due, here are ten of the best holiday rap albums out there: 1) Christmas on…

Now that the North Korean hackers (that still really doesn’t make any sense to me) have proven they can bring down a movie studio with the cancellation of The Interview, it’s time to see if we can put this massive influence to good use. So if you’re out there hackers, please take a moment to consider my plea. Is there any way you can get Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 canceled from all theaters worldwide as well? I understand that you got The Interview’s release canceled for different reasons, but it’s just as important that the world never lay eyes upon the offensive horror that is…

Who among us hasn’t spent an entire Saturday on the couch, watching every mediocre movie TBS decides to play throughout the day? And in that time, who among us hasn’t daydreamed of a reality without responsibilities, where your only objective in life was to chill as hard as you possibly could on the couch at all times? “No,” we all end up telling ourselves. “I should get up. There’s no way I can get away with being this much of a lazy societal nonfactor.” But thanks to NASA, all of your practice in being worthless has paid off, as you…

Sometimes, our readers are craving information about penis torture. Other times, they’re more interested in the intricacies of ass licking. This month, they’ve got a lot of varying questions about the world we live in, and we’re just happy to help provide some insight any way we can. Here are some of the top search terms used to find Robot Butt this month: terminator genisys will suck secret santa rules chuck e cheese robots thanksgiving farts john mulaney butt 50 cent street cred mcrib 2014 canada space jam butt cyber jokes humans in mcdonalds is it weird to think your…

God spoke to many people throughout the Bible, perhaps most notably to Moses or Noah. But the Lord continues to make his voice heard to people today, using us as the vessels for spreading his everlasting messages. Apparently, Big Sean is one of the lucky ones who has managed to hear God’s voice and he raps about it in his song “Guap.” Here is what God had to tell him: I give it up to God, and he always replies/ “Control yo hoes, you let her talk to you crazy/ You got baby mama drama, you ain’t even got you…

It’s the weekend, so you should be out there tearing things up. But you can’t even begin to think about doing so without the proper soundtrack. So here’s your jam for this weekend: “You Sexy Thing” by Hot Chocolate. You’ve heard this one before – in movies, on TV, pretty much anywhere; this is often the go-to song for when a character lays eyes on the woman of his dreams or some dopey dad sees a tool he just has to have during a Home Depot commercial. But you know what? It’s a damn good song and it should be recognized…

What a time to be alive. Weird Al is one of GQ’s 2014 Men of the Year, and for good reason. Not only did he score his first-ever No. 1 album this year in Mandatory Fun, but he appears to be more culturally relevant than ever, even with a career that is spanning more than three decades. This somehow doesn’t feel real. Sure, anyone with any common sense has always loved Weird Al, but he’s getting the respect and adoration now that my younger (and current) self could have only dreamed of as I listened to Running With Scissors on cassette for what was…

While strolling through a toy aisle recently, I came across what looks like the cutest toy of the Joker that I’ve ever seen. I’d applaud Fisher-Price for taking the character in this direction, but I’m starting to think this was just done to shamelessly make some money. Of course, it was pretty cute when the Joker beat Robin to within an inch of his life with a crowbar and then left him to be blown to pieces. And it was really cute and precocious of him to shoot Barbara Gordon and paralyze her in order to drive Commissioner Gordon insane. Or what about that…

The Thing (the 1982 version, of course) is one of the greatest sci-fi/horror movies of all time, thanks in large part to its groundbreaking use of terrifying practical effects and Kurt Russell’s tremendous mane of hair and beard. Minimalism works wonders in this film; after all, what’s scarier than being trapped in the middle of nowhere with a camouflaged alien presence that is picking people off one by one? Apparently, someone out there thought the film needed vast improvements for a TV edit (you can thank TBS for this). Of course, that included greatly massacring the original cut by reducing the…