Author: Steve

Unfortunately, Johnny Kemp passed away on Friday at the age of 55. If you’re not sure who that is, you’re about to find out that he made one of the greatest 80’s songs ever. In his online obituaries, a lot of people are referencing his well-known No. 1 R&B hit, “Just Got Paid,” but very few of them are mentioning his best song of all – “Birthday Suit.” Straight from the soundtrack to Sing, which up until recently has been a movie I never knew existed, “Birthday Suit” is a song that explores the classic desire to see an attractive person naked.…

In the pantheon of Cleveland Browns miscues, it’s easy to admit that the team really didn’t whiff on creating its brand-new set of uniforms. To many people, they are “modern,” the first step to not just bringing the team back to not relevance, but full-on prominence. Some might even say these new uniforms are cool. But all of the marketing jargon in the world isn’t going to stop me from sorely missing the old look and hating these new jerseys with an eternally burning passion. Because the team has been so bad for so long, people have asserted that the old uniforms were boring…

“Blurred Lines” straight-up ruined Robin Thicke’s life. Apparently unable to handle his bursting fame from this song, Thicke cheated on his very attractive wife, Paula Patton, a billion times and is now a lonely, desperate (and divorced) loser, evidenced by his entire sad album trying to win her back. Plus, he and Pharrell Williams ended up losing $7.4 million in the lawsuit over “Blurred Lines.” And he dressed like Beetlejuice on national television. No one cared much about Thicke before, but because of this song, his life has fallen apart and no one likes him. What a year 2013 was, though! …

There’s a panda in China that is better at sex than you. Lu Lu and his partner Zhen Zhen recently banged for an astounding and record-breaking seven minutes and 45 seconds, making Lu Lu the king of the Sichuan Giant Panda Research Centre, so much so that he has been given the nickname of “The Enduring Brother” and likely fields requests for advice from the human staff members. Lucky for you, some sicko filmed the whole thing, so you can watch Lu Lu and Zhen Zhen’s sex tape to maybe get some tips. The average panda sex lasts 30 seconds…

As always, the keywords used to find Robot Butt are an eclectic bunch. Ranging from many people looking to sell their souls to the devil to those with depraved sexual fantasies involving Slinky Dog’s butt, we pride ourselves on having such a diverse audience of degenerates. After digging through our site analytics, here are the highlights of search terms for March: how do i sell my soul to the illuminati and become rich butt sunday what happened to cookie monster michael keaton butt ass queen largest dinosaur he has the arse to pull his dick from the dirt i want…

Bad Company is such an underrated band (Maybe? To be honest, I’m really not sure if they are, I just know that I never hear anybody talking about them. Plus, everybody loves saying something is underrated to appear like a far more accomplished and intelligent entertainment connoisseur. So guess what? Bad Company’s underrated as hell.). That’s why, for this weekend, you should listen to “Can’t Get Enough,” the first track from their 1974 kick-ass self-titled debut album. Bask in Bad Company’s underrated glory as you feel yourself becoming better than those around you! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAPUxvjbdcU

People love to rag on the Star Wars prequels, and for good reason. For the total running time among the three movies, about 5% of it is watchable. But there has always been one element to these movies that was even remotely comparable to the greatness of the original three films. That, of course, is Darth Maul, the greatest badass in the entire universe. That insanely terrifying Satanic face (with that look, though, did he ever even stand a chance to choose the path of the Jedi?), his even more terrifying silence, the way he could take on two Jedi at…

We’ve seen how this plays out before. When the Cleveland Indians are featured on a Sports Illustrated cover, all hell breaks loose. It is the foreshadowing of a doomed future, an inescapable fate that lays waste to entire seasons and players’ careers. The pain inflicted upon the Cleveland Indians at the hands of Sports Illustrated dates back to the 1950’s and brings us all the way to today, as the Tribe’s Corey Kluber and Michael Brantley grace a regional cover of the magazine’s latest issue. This was supposed to be the year the young Indians broke through and made a deep run in…

For some reason, the University of Akron is thinking about changing its name. Officially, the school says the new name would “reflect its unique strengths in polytechnical and professional fields, along with career-focused applied learning.” But really, I’m pretty sure they’d name the school just about anything if a high-enough bidder came along to claim it. This is how Dingleberry University will come into existence. If there’s one thing universities love, it’s free money from an outside source. People are getting buildings named after them all the time, so how hard can it be to buy the name of an…