Author: Steve

At my house, we like to buy entire vegetable trays, the ones typically reserved for all sorts of get-togethers. But these are just for the two of us. I don’t know and I don’t care if it’s not a cost-effective way to get vegetables (I’m almost positive it’s not), but busting out a fresh veggie tray before returning to an endless X-Files marathon significantly increases the fun factor. Except when we have to look at the sad-ass cauliflower, a useless, depressing vegetable that sometimes, beyond all reason, occupies a quarter of the whole freaking tray. The cauliflower lobby is really earning its money…

We all knew this day would come. Though The Simpsons has felt like an eternal presence watching over us, at some point, the empire would inevitably come crashing down when one of the main voice actors decided it was time to call it quits. That day is finally here. Harry Shearer – the voice of vital characters such as Mr. Burns, Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, Mr. Smithers, Otto, Dr. Hibbert, Kent Brockman and an absurd amount of others (including one of my favorites, Gaylord Q. Tinkledink) – has decided to leave the show after 567 seasons or so. Depending on who you…

For most of Ludacris’ “Area Codes,” he seems to be pretty proud of how many hoes he has across the country. But after going through an incredibly lengthy list of area codes at the end of the song, it begins to fade out with these very concerning lyrics: “Hoes to the right, hoes to the left/ Five hoes this time, woo!/ Hoe, no!” It would appear that Ludacris is no longer in control of how many hoes he acquires. In fact, his acquisition of hoes might be increasing at such a breakneck pace that it defies all levels of physics…

Though it does nothing to hide itself, ISIS is really not unlike the shadowy organizations you see in movies, as so many of its members and supporters are hiding in plain sight all over the world. Worst of all, anybody could be a part of it. At least some of the success of the Islamic State is due to its ability to gather support from all types of people around the world. The United States is certainly not exempt from this, evidenced recently by a Seattle journalism student’s mysterious Twitter account – @_UmmWaqqas – which advocated emigrating to the Islamic…

After sifting through the startling amount of varying search terms regarding how to make out with one’s cousin (or asking if it’s even okay), we actually found some other ways in which people discovered Robot Butt last month. Looking at these search terms allows me to really see what the people want. So as God as my witness, I promise that we will one day show you Franken Berry’s penis (until then, though, be sure to read our in-depth investigation of Franken Berry’s sexual preferences). But you’ll have to find out for yourself which business you get a $25 gift card…

It started with the Cleveland Browns unveiling a new set of uniforms that featured something like 497 different putrid combinations. Now, the San Francisco 49ers – who have some of the best uniforms in all of football – are getting in on the action by debuting a lazy and completely unnecessary alternate black jersey. Never mind that it’s basically just the regular white jersey turned black, there’s just no reason for this jersey to exist other than to make the organization more money. The 49ers are pretty late arrivals to the black alternate fad, but this one feels particularly heinous. It…

Things have really gotten out of hand in Baltimore, haven’t they? With some protests having turned into violent riots over the controversial death of 25-year-old Freddie Gray, you surely have an opinion on what’s going on, and people need to know what it is! That being said, it’s important to write the perfect social media response in a sensitive situation like this. To help, I’ve outlined six ways in which you can craft a message that really gets your point across and should immediately sway the opinions of others to coincide with yours. 1. Embrace any and all of your preconceived…

O.T. Genasis isn’t going to let anyone get between him and his successful cocaine-selling operation, not even his dear mother. He makes that abundantly clear in his song “The Flyest”: “First time I seen coke My mama caught me in the kitchen (oh shit) I’m thinkin’ like, “What you lookin’ at, mama?” I’m tryna get me a chicken, damn”  Something tells me O.T. Genasis’ mom would have just cooked him some chicken if he asked her. Moms love cooking chicken for their sons! He didn’t have to immediately resort to selling coke to get the food, and he definitely didn’t have…

“The beast that thou sawest was, and is not; and shall ascend out of the bottomless pit, and go into perdition: and they that dwell on the earth shall wonder, whose names were not written in the book of life from the foundation of the world, when they behold the beast that was, and is not, and yet is.” – Revelation 17:8 I’ve already come to the conclusion that humanity is not long for this Earth, evidenced by the initial financial success of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. However, there is always an opportunity for redemption, and a fresh, new week was…

“And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.” – Revelation 13:1 I often go down a very deep rabbit hole of thought when I think about my place in the universe and humanity’s overall role in the grand scheme of things. I get lost in the exploration of why any of us are here and how we came to be. Who created us? And who created our Creator? Where exactly…