Author: Steve

“Reading furnishes the mind only with materials of knowledge; it is thinking that makes what we read ours.” – John Locke With that in mind, here is an unedited list of Google search terms that brought people to Robot Butt in September: why won’t mcdonald’s keep the mcrib big egg nipples how to torture a penis dog poop pictures can i sell my soul to the devil ? if yes how old lady with gun pumpkins shaped like boobs fuckable foods robot handjob going shirtless sell your soul on whatsapp hard on at the beach pumpkin spice trump the impending…

I don’t know why it took this long for people to finally denounce Donald Trump so thoroughly and publicly, but hey, here we finally are. It would appear that as a country we have decided to grab this election by the pussy and rally against Trump in earnest, in light of the appalling comments made by someone who should only be thought of as a filthy, old, criminal bastard rather than president of the United States. But that isn’t to say that Trump doesn’t still have his inner circle and core group of supporters; not everyone is jumping ship on…

I never seem to consider the San Francisco Giants’ existence during the baseball season. Maybe it’s because I’m an American League guy in the Midwest, but they just never register on my radar – until the playoffs. The playoffs are where I’m reminded, in the even years at least, that the Giants are a mythical, magical beast that simply cannot be stopped, no matter any perceived deficiencies. And the head of that beast is pitcher Madison Bumgarner, who has yet to surrender a run in 23 innings of elimination-game pitching. The perfection was on display again last night in the…

We all have our fetishes and fantasies, so who am I to judge a guy who gets off on venomous spiders biting his dong? In Australia, a tradesmen named Jordan was recently bitten on the penis by a redback spider while using a portable toilet – again. The first incident happened about five months ago and, apparently aroused by the incident to the point of obsession, made sure it happened again this week. If you’re wondering why someone would do this, a redback spider’s bite causes severe pain, sweating and nausea, which just sounds like the makings of a good…

Ted Cruz, the moldy hot dog Kramer ate at the Allen Theatre in Seinfeld, made a wonderful miscalculation last Friday by finally publicly endorsing Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, which followed a very public refusal to do so at the Republican National Convention. After enduring several savage personal attacks from Trump against his wife, his father and himself, Cruz let bygones be bygones because he “promised to support the Republican nominee,” which is a promise he made back when he figured he’d be the one sliming his way to the White House. And obviously, Cruz endorsed Trump to help set up his own…

“When you seek the glory of knowledge, only then will you have truly met God.” – Unknown With that inspiration in mind, here is an unedited list of insightful search terms used to find Robot Butt in August: dog poop monsterbutts.com matt damon nipples a robot sex test what deep needs and desires does colgate advertisement promise to fulfill? bambi mating banging a mcchicken friends fan theories very hot image that can rock the penis big butt gift on valentine’s day david beckham nipples did the sinclair family die at the end of dinosaurs guys nipples turn brown in summer…

In the year of our Lord, 2016, the world has become a grotesque, real-life Mad Libs entry, evidenced most recently by yet another Anthony Weiner sexting scandal. Hillary Clinton’s campaign vice chairwoman, Huma Abedin, who is Weiner’s wife, announced she would be divorcing the disgraced former congressman after he finally completed sending pictures of his penis to every single woman in the country. Naturally, Donald Trump, Republican presidential nominee and a pile of puke brought to life by a genie, jumped on the chance to make this all about rival Clinton. In a statement released on his horrifying website, Trump seems to…

1) Where the hell is my wallet? 2) It fell between the seat during the movie I think but why isn’t it fucking there now? 3) What did I touch that was so moist below the seat? 4) Where is my fucking wallet?! 5) What is the name of this usher telling me I have to leave the theater? 6) Why won’t he help me find my wallet? 7) What was with that alligator man? 8) Son of a bitch, do I just leave the wallet now? 9) Wait, was my Subway card in it? 10) Was it the Subway card that…

Here is an unedited list of some of the best search terms used to find Robot Butt in July: breadsticks in a butt naked mailman show me a picture of clarence carter ted cruz skin suit matt damon nipples trump is a time traveler milking nsfw pizza butts nipple types disney princess pooping sexy tractors lisa frank museum mars is populated by how many robots 50 cent street cred mcdonalds evil grimace dancing pizza brendan fraser’s butt green goblin real life friends fan theory summer nipples how to convince your aunt to kiss you dogs having sex with their owners…

Inspired by the persistent and respectful civil discourse that has permeated this election at every turn, I’ve decided to read as much as I can about the presidency, current events, etc. You know, giant non-fiction books you’d find on your dad’s bookshelf. Anyway, I’m working my way through George Bush’s Decision Points right now, and I came across an interesting passage, where W describes the first time he entered the Oval Office as president, on his inauguration day. “Andy Card was with me as I took my place at the Resolute [desk] for the first time. My first Oval Office decision was to…